


Enjoy You More

by misssnowfox



Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Canon Universe, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feelings, First Dates, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, POV Kageyama Tobio, Romance, Supportive Hinata Shouyou, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, the one where they are boyfriends and also idiots, there is much love and growth along the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misssnowfox/pseuds/misssnowfox
Summary: He doesn’t hug him, partly because there’s a bike in the way and also because there are people around but more importantly, because he’s pretty sure he was designed from a formula that contained fifty per cent precision and per cent stubbornness, and he’s not quite ready to let Hinata know just how much power he has over him yet. One day. Soon. He hopes...___Tobio Kageyama was never made to be anyone's boyfriend. But as he and Hinata tackle the infancy of their relationship together and the various milestones that it brings, Kageyama is forced to reconcile that Hinata is not just someone that was his first kiss. He may well be someone that Kageyama doesn't mind changing the rules of his life for.Part 2 ofSpend a Little Less Time Keeping Score, the series known behind the scenes asFive Times Hinata Was Kageyama's First and One Time Kageyama Was Hisbut that evolved into something much more. Even though there will be minor references to the first fic, this can 100% stand alone as an early established relationship story.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644838
Comments: 99
Kudos: 402





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people! Here is the sequel to We'll Say It Happens Like That and I hope you all enjoy it if you liked reading the first fic! 
> 
> Just a reminder once more for all those who are kind enough to comment that I am an ANIME-ONLY! As of the writing and posting of the final chapter, I am up to date to date on the anime, which means I have watched up to s4e13, so please don't confirm or deny anything to do with possible future second years!Kagehina or anything further than what I've seen in the anime. Everything I'm writing about in this series is purely from my imagination and any resemblance to actual events is pure coincidence.

The slam of the notebook on the desk wakes Kageyama out of his almost-snooze with such ferocity that he feels the sudden urge to reach for a weapon that he doesn’t even possess.

“Huh?!” he slurs as his head snaps up to reveal two Hinatas merging into one before his eyes. He may or may not be drooling.

“Wakey wakey!” Hinata says cheerfully, leaning over the desk with his hands placed firmly over the offending notebook.

When he’s finally come to his senses, Kageyama manages a scowl at his boyfriend and demands, “Hinata, what fresh hell is this?”

Hinata stands up straight and proud, placing a hand over his heart just to show his utter devotion for what he’s about to say. It’s just one of the many things that Kageyama has noticed about him in the three weeks that they’ve been dating. He can’t help it. He has a habit of hyper fixating on something that’s incredibly important to him, except that until recently it had only been volleyball that occupied that place in his life. Now, it also includes Hinata and Hinata’s every move and tick and gesture. 

The way that Hinata throws himself into anything and everything he’s decided is important to him with such a pure-hearted sense of purpose is something Kageyama has definitely witnessed on him in the year that they’ve known each other. But that purpose has never really been directed at _him_ before. He still needs some time to fully get used to that level of attention from another human being; especially one that is, quite frankly - and he’ll let hell freeze over before he admits it out loud - as adorable as Hinata. 

“These!” Hinata announces “are a list of options for you to choose from!”

Kageyama sighs and looks down at Hinata’s scrawny kanji - preciously annotated with furigana for Kageyama’s benefit, even though Kageyama _can_ read most of these thank you very much - and sees a random list of words including _park_ , _movie_ , _ice cream_ , _bike ride_ , amongst others.

He looks even more confused than before and for once, it’s not his illiteracy that’s the problem. “I don’t get it,” he mumbles. 

“It’s a list of options for, you know…” Hinata leans over and lowers his voice in an attempt to give them more privacy. “That _thing_ we discussed last week?”

Kageyama’s nerve endings go from zero to sixty at lightning speed because oh God, Hinata just approached him with ideas for a _date_. 

In their exhilaration and excitement to meet the first years and wear them in as quickly as possible, it alarmed them both how little time they’d actually had alone together since they started going out. They spoke on the phone pretty regularly - in fact, it was during one of those after school conversations that Hinata had insisted that if they were a couple, they had to go on a real date and soon - but when it came down to doing anything that didn’t involve volleying, digging and spiking, their total count still sat at just a couple Saturdays at Kageyama’s place playing video games and making plans for future practice games. They both know it will die down a little once they find their rhythm with the new team they have now that the old third years are gone, but it’s still frustrating to be constantly too tired and worn out after school to spend time with each other. 

“Don’t you like playing volleyball together on the weekends?” Kageyama had asked him after Hinata had first brought up the idea. “Don’t those count as dates? I mean we spend time together, we’re enjoying ourselves, isn’t that what a date is?”

“Well…” Hinata had mused “I suppose so, but I think a date has to be a bit more planned, you know? Like, I think we need to make more of an event out of it than just passing to each other in the park.”

Kageyama had to admit that Hinata had a point, but he wasn’t about to tell Hinata that. He’d grumbled something about a lack of inspiration, to which Hinata had responded with a cheery “leave it with me!”

Which is how he’d ended up flustered and blushing in the middle of his homeroom while Hinata stands in front of him all eyes and grins and waiting for him to pick a _date_ idea and dear god, had Hinata really been that excited that he couldn’t wait for any other time to do this? This is what he gets for letting Hinata take charge of the situation. 

“Whatever you pick is honestly fine by me,” he mumbles, desperately trying to keep his composure around his classmates who aren’t looking at him funny _yet_ but very much may do if he evaporates into a pile of embarrassed Kageyama right there in his chair. 

Hinata frowns. “Can you not read it or something? I’m sure I wrote down the furigana on there…” 

“Of course I can read it you imbecile,” Kageyama tells him in as low a volume as possible, considering. “Look, honestly, just pick something for me, yeah? Tell me about it on the walk home?”

Hinata seems pleased with this compromise and concedes. Kageyama breathes an inaudible sigh of relief because the last thing he’d wanted to do was admit to Hinata that he’d gotten a little bit embarrassed by how close they came to the entire class knowing the nature of their relationship status. 

He never wants Hinata to doubt or alter his actions around him just because of his own hangups. Not when Hinata’s honesty is and has been one of Kageyama’s favourite things - on a steadily growing list - about him since the day they first fought. But at the same time, it has only been three weeks and he’s just not crazy about the idea of half his homeroom knowing the intimate details of his private life. 

“I decided we should go to the theme park,” Hinata informs him on their walk home from school later. They may not get to walk the entire way home together, but Kageyema has found a sort of comfort in the quiet of these moments that they _do_ have away from everyone else. The moments while Hinata pushes his bike alongside Kageyama’s strides until they get to the fork in the road where they eventually separate. 

“For the date?” Kageyama asks.

“Yeah, I think it’s the perfect combination!” Kageyama can tell he wants to start waving his hands around to further prove how much of a good idea he thinks this is, but if he does that, his bike will suffer a tumultuous fall to the ground, so instead, Hinata just grips his handlebars with as much passion as he can muster. “There’ll be food, music, stuff to do so we won’t get bored, and it’s not in the middle of town so we wouldn’t have to worry about people asking questions and stuff.”

If Hinata asked him to build them a fort made out of cardboard boxes and host a private tea party, Kageyama would still probably agree if it was Hinata that came up with the idea. He does have a way of making every idea that comes out of his mouth sound extremely appealing. But the thought of spending a day with Hinata outside of their small town and their school and people that know them does sound like the best idea on that list of his. 

“Does it bother you that I’d like us to keep this to ourselves for now? You know it’s not because I’m embarrassed by you, right?” Kageyama asks quietly. He’s fairly certain Hinata doesn’t have an issue with the way things are; he wasn’t born with much of a zip on his mouth, so Kageyama’s confident that he would make his thoughts known on the matter if he had some. But it’s been weighing him down for days and the last thing he wants is to cause another rift between them by not speaking his mind.

“Actually, that’s a lie,” he corrects, “I’m embarrassed by you on a daily basis when you screw up perfectly easy receives, or directs, or serves or...” That gets him the exact result he’d imagined, which is a scrunchy-nosed Hinata and a nasal grunt of disapproval. “But I’m not embarrassed by this,” he clarifies. “About us.”

Hinata gives him a side-eye that looks far too coy for Kageyama’s liking. “You mean about me being your _boyfriend_?” he teases. There will come a day when Kageyama will not blush at that word, but today is certainly not that day. Hinata still calls him that every chance he gets when they’re alone together and there’s no way he’s capable of returning the favour in the way Hinata wants without bursting into flames. Not for a while anyway.

“Yeah,” he mumbles “that.”

Hinata just smiles at him, knowing that, at least this time, he’s not going to get what he wants. He turns his head back to the road ahead of him. 

“Are you kidding me? Of course I don’t mind!” he says in response to Kageyama’s previous question. “It sort of feels like we’re _secret lovers_ or something, right? Or maybe… oh spies! Kageyama, it sort of feels like we’re spies! We should have code words!” He lets out what can only be described as a combination of an _ah_ noise and a squeal. Kageyama’s heard it a couple of times, particularly whenever they’ve met other amazing volleyball players from different schools. “Kageyama, can we have code words?!”

In moments like this, Kageyama just wants to hug the life right out of him. 

It’s maddening to him how differently he views his dynamic with Hinata now that they’re actually in a relationship. Now that he’s somehow started his no doubt long and difficult journey to understanding his feelings for him. Their relationship has always been aggressive, borderline violent. But as time has gone on, he’s noticed those moments when he would usually feel frustration and anger, shift to an overwhelming need to just be close to Hinata. Now that he’s allowed to be and _is_ on a regular basis, he wonders how many of their past arguments, fights, misunderstandings, punches, pinches, hair pulls were just born out the two of them wanting to stand close to each other or hold each other, but not understanding that it was a language they were capable of speaking yet. 

He doesn’t hug him, partly because there’s a bike in the way and also because there are people around but more importantly, because he’s pretty sure he was designed from a formula that contained fifty per cent precision and per cent stubbornness, and he’s not quite ready to let Hinata know just how much power he has over him yet. One day. Soon. He hopes... 

Instead, he bumps Hinata’s shoulder, hands still in his pockets and says, “You come up with some, and sure we can use code words.” 

Hinata brings his hand up to his head and salutes him with a mock-serious expression.

“But you know, you may be onto something,” Hinata ponders. “With the whole _keeping things a secret_ plan… I remember Noya telling me that when he and Asahi started dating, Tanaka was like a broken record constantly asking questions and the other then-second years weren’t much better. He said it felt like he was on TV but to be honest, it’s Noya, so he probably didn’t mind being the centre of attention,” Hinata giggles.

“Asahi _what_ now?!” Kageyama halts where he stands, earning a confused look from Hinata.

“Did you not know they were together?”

Kageyama spends about 30 seconds spluttering and wailing something to do with _is everyone in this club secretly dating or something?!_ To which Hinata responds with thinly veiled quips about Kageyama’s intelligence, which leads to Kageyama very much changing his mind about the whole hugging situation and deciding that no, not every single feeling of frustration he has towards Hinata makes him want to hug. Sometimes, he just wants to fling him across the park by his nest of orange hair. 

* * *

He very nearly makes good on his desire to throttle Hinata less than 24 hours later when Tanaka comes up to him after morning practice, slaps him on the back and declares, “This was a great idea, bro!”

“What was?” he asks, having clearly missed part of some sort of conversation that apparently involved him.

“The team going to the theme park together! Wish I’d come up with it myself actually, it’s gonna be a good, you know… team-building exercise!”

Hinata has already left the gym - apparently, he left his lunch at home and someone was dropping it off for him outside the school gates - so he’s not able to demand what on earth Tanaka is talking about. He gets his answer later than day, however, when he corners Hinata during their lunch hour.

He walks, no, _strides_ over to where Hinata is standing and by the panicked look on Hinata’s face, he may already have an inkling as to what he’s about to be murdered for. 

“I can explain!” Hinata squeals, putting his hands up to shield his face from Kageyama’s metaphorical fangs. 

“Then explain to me,” he says with mock calm “Why Tanaka seems to be under the impression that he and the rest of the team are invited along for our…” his anger is softened by a blush and he growls under his breath “Goddammit, did you figure out those code words yet?!” 

“I’m working on it!” Hinata whines. “Maybe if you were nicer to me, I would do them faster.” He crosses his arms, closes his eyes and tilts his chin up during that last comment. 

“Hinata you’d better start talking very quickly,” Kageyama warns him, even though he’d sooner throw himself under a bus than actually do anything to Hinata. Hinata probably also knows this, but he graciously indulges Kageyama’s hair-trigger temper. Firstly because, he too, is very good at biting, but more importantly because he probably knows by now that Kageyama’s outbursts are less about him actually being angry at Hinata and more to do with him needing someone to growl at while he stops stressing out. 

Once Hinata starts talking, it’s very obvious that the entire situation had gotten out of hand, very quickly. Apparently Tadashi had been texting Hinata to arrange something to do that weekend. Hinata had graciously declined because he was going to the theme park with Kageyama. Tadashi had been with Yachi and Tsukishima at the time, who had also seen the message and obviously, having no idea that it was actually a date, accidentally invited themselves along. By the morning, the knowledge that the five of them were going to the theme park together had somehow reached Nishinoya, who demanded to know why he was kept out of the loop and had told Tanaka to ask all the first years if they were free too. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _This is a disaster!_

He texts Hinata later that day in between classes. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Why didn’t you just tell them_ no _??!!!_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _How could I do that without revealing our big spy secret?!! They would have been suspicious - Tsukishima is quite smart, you know…_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _We have to come up with something else… we can’t have a you-know-what when the entire team is there with us???_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Don’t panic! It’s not like we were going to be all over each other in public anyway, right? I’m sure the others will go off and do their own thing. And the third years are the most senior so we can make them look after the underclassmen ;)_

Kageyama has no idea what Hinata means by _all over each other_ but he knows if he spends too much time on it, he might not be in any fit state to even make his limbs move, let alone go anywhere with Hinata ever again. 

His fingers hover over his phone. He wants to send it. There’s no harm in sending it. Hinata’s not actually standing there in front of him to judge him. Would he even judge him? He’s never felt judged by Hinata before, but there’s always a first time for everything.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Hinata, I’m nervous..._

There, sent. Kageyama wants to shove his phone at the back of a broken vending machine and never set eyes on it again. The symbol for Hinata tapping out a response to him shows up immediately and, well, it was nice being in a relationship with him while it lasted. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _If you’re really worried, we can think of something else :D But I promise nothing bad will happen xxx Also, it will just look weirder if we back out now for no reason, right?_

Kageyama sighs deep and long and wishes Hinata was here and that they were alone and that he could hold him against him so Hinata’s head would sit right under Kageyama’s chin. Because he’s right. Stupid Hinata and his stupid logic. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Okay._  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _Okay, let’s do it._

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Best boyfriend ever :D :D :D_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Idiot, shut up._

* * *

Just like Hinata had predicted, they don’t necessarily stick together once they make it to the park. As soon as they arrive in Sendai and make it to their destination, the third years gather them around and tell them when and where to meet at the end of the day. Which already puts Kageyama in a bad mood, because the last thing he wants is to be told what to do on his own date. 

“Did you wanna grab some food?” Hinata asks. “It’s almost lunchtime by now.”

That makes Kageyama smile for the first time that day. “It’s 10:30, Hinata.”

This doesn’t seem to deter him. If anything, he smiles even brighter. “Perfect time for second breakfast/first lunch!”

Kageyama shakes his head and laughs softly, but follows Hinata to where he’s already halfway to the nearest food stall. While Hinata is pointing and flailing trying to decide what he wants, Kageyama wonders if he should suggest they _share_ something as some sort of attempt at romance. He hadn’t seen many romance movies growing up, but he’s fairly sure that they at least involve sharing a dessert after a meal. They’re not really at dinner and he can’t see anything sweet at the stall that Hinata has chosen, so he supposes a cup of yakisoba noodles will have to do. He hopes Hinata will find it suitably romantic, because he wants to make Hinata happy when they’ve come all the way out here. 

Before he has a chance to say something embarrassing, however, Tadashi comes barreling in, sharing in Hinata’s excitement for whatever he’s about to buy. Kageyama stays deadly silent throughout the entire exchange for fear that he might strangle Tadashi on the spot and out of all the people left on the team that Kageyama knows, he’s actually one of the ones he likes best. 

Tadashi gets bored of conversation with Hinata once Tsukkishima shows up from his trip to the bathroom and the two of them loiter off together with a cheerful wave from Tadashi and a nonchalant nod from Tsukkishima. By the time Kageyama has a chance to tell Hinata about his big romantic plan, Hinata has finished his yakisoba. 

“Did that even touch the sides?!” he asks incredulously. 

“Yep! All of them!” Hinata beams. 

Kageyama rolls his eyes fondly and gently takes Hinata by his bicep, leading him in the direction of the crowds. 

* * *

After about 30 minutes of wandering and chatting, Kageyama starts to sulk. Not because he’s unhappy being in Hinata’s presence, but because nothing about what they’re doing feels any different to their daily walks to the fork in the road after school. After the interruption earlier, he’s hyper-aware of everyone in the crowd and the fact that any of them could be one of their teammates. He would tell Hinata _I told you so_ if he didn’t think it would completely spoil the date (if you could even call it that). 

“What about the word _game time_ as a code word for _date_?” Hinata ponders through yet another mouthful of food he’d acquired somewhere. 

“What about when we actually want to talk about an actual game?” 

“Hmmm… well, what about playtime then?”

“What are you, five?”

“Hey! It’s similar enough to game time that our friends won’t think it sounds weird.”

Hinata, once again, does have a point. “I suppose…” Kageyama concedes. 

“Oh!” Hinata cuts him off, grabs his arm and points at something in the distance. “Kageyama, look, games! I wanna win something for you.” He doesn’t give Kageyama a chance to refuse before he’s dragged with surprising strength to some sort of game designed for throwing and aiming. Essentially, something to waste your money as fast as possible.

Hinata is a ball of excited energy next to him and every one of Kageyama’s instincts, that he so thoroughly relies upon in the middle of a match, tells him that he wants to put his arm around Hinata while they wait for their turn. There’s technically no one around, and if he positions himself in a particular way…

“Hinata! Kageyama!” Noya’s voice stops him before he can make his mind up and he turns to see him and Tanaka running towards them. 

“Noya!” Hinata shouts back and jumps up and down like a happy newborn puppy. “I’m gonna win something!”

“Ah, we should try too!” Tanaka says, slapping Noya on the back. “Bet I can beat you, Noya. This game is all about throwing and as a _spiker_ …” Kageyama doesn’t hear the rest because he’s paying attention to his Hinata, who is currently taking aim with his bean bag. He has one eye closed in a squint and his tongue is poking out from his mouth in concentration. 

His swing is powerful - a spiker’s swing Tanaka is calling it behind him - but he doesn’t have the same precision as Kageyama would and subsequently fails all three tries. 

He looks utterly defeated and Kageyama instantly wants to wage war against the owner of the stand for making Hinata look so disheartened. A disheartened Hinata is one of the saddest sights in the world. If he were a dog, his ears would have completely flopped. 

“Come on,” he Kageyama tells him. “I have a better idea.” He motions for Hinata to follow him so they can sneak away while Noya and Tanaka are in the middle of their spiker vs libero argument. He’s pretty sure they’re nearing the hair-pulling stage.

They walk over to the arcade building and Kageyama leads a miserable-looking Hinata to the line of claw machines. He scans them and picks out the one that seems to be holding some sort of sports-related prizes. Unsurprisingly, he’d found a knack for games like this almost instantly growing up. He’s had a precise hand and a razor-sharp aim for as long as he can remember; it’s one of the reasons he flourished so naturally as a setter. 

“This is a much better game,” he informs Hinata. “You have to be accurate, but there’s less margin for error.”

Hinata screws his face up as though Kageyama just suggested they have a plate of broccoli for lunch. “ _Margin for error_? Are you sure you know what the word _game_ means?” Kageyama lightly clips him round the head with a half-smirk.

“C’mon,” he says.

“C’mon, where?”

“Give it a go,” Kageyama gestures to the machine in question. Hinata shrugs and goes for it with the same level of enthusiasm he does everything, from landing a spike to picking what to eat for breakfast that day. 

He fails all three attempts miserably. He doesn’t look sad like before, but Kageyama almost wishes he did, rather than having to bear witness to his now loud, incessant, nasal whining. 

And just like that, as though in a vision sent from above, he comes up with the perfect plan all on his own with no help from Hinata. He looks around the arcade - five times to be precise - and scans it for any signs of their teammates. Once he’s happy with the low-risk level, he approaches a still-wailing Hinata and says, “here, try again.”

Hinata grumbles some more, but puts more money in the machine anyway and approaches his nemesis with a renewed fervour. Kageyama takes a deep breath and comes up behind him. He puts his hands on Hinata’s shoulders as gently as he can, but it still startles Hinata enough that he jerks the controller and messes up his first of three tries. 

“Hinata, _relax_ ,” Kageyama grits out “I’m not going to rob you.”

“I.. I know that!” he insists. “I just… what are you doing behind me?” He sounds flustered and it makes Kageyama want to grab his bag and just run for the train station to call off this entire disaster. He’s managed to make his boyfriend uncomfortable and embarrassed with his first and only attempt at a romantic gesture ever. God, why is he so _bad_ at this?

But when Hinata turns his head to look at him, he doesn’t look upset or angry. He’s actually blushing. Which in turn makes Kageyama blush from the knowledge that Hinata was more than happy about Kageyama standing close to him. Happy enough that it made him look like a startled bird and with his red hair and red cheeks and red nose, he just looks red all over. They just stare at each other and it seems as though there’s some sort of blushing stalemate happening before Kageyama coughs to break the silence. 

“I uh… I thought you might like me to show you how it’s done. You know… seeing as you’re so useless.”

Hinata’s eyes sparkle and he just nods enthusiastically, doing his excited little bounce on the tips of his toes. 

Kageyama stands by his side this time - clearly, Hinata can’t be trusted for him to stand behind him without potentially injuring one or both of them - but tentatively places one hand over Hinata’s two tiny ones where he’s still holding onto the controls. 

He winces at the realisation that his palm feels noticeably sweaty, but Hinata doesn’t flinch or move at their contact. If anything, he only looks more elated now that Kageyama is standing near him and touching him. 

“Okay,” Kageyama starts. “It’s all about depth perception and aim,” he explains “you also don’t want to pick something too far away from the basket, even if it looks like an easy target, because the longer it has to travel, the more time it has to fall back down again. Also, make sure you’re going for something with an easy grip, or something the claw can hook onto.” The machine they’re standing at is giving away mostly large keyrings, so he thinks they should have no problem in hooking onto the circular metal end. “You ready?” he asks, and Hinata nods, determined. 

Kageyama helps them steer the claw together, can feel the blood in the tips of his fingers pumping as Hinata’s hands move and flex under his. He’s barely doing any of the work, just guiding Hinata to where he needs to be. A stark difference, he realises, to the way they are with each other on the court when Kageyama’s brain is hard-wired to seek out Hinata; to be a willing slave to his inhuman jumps, wherever on the court they may be. He _loves_ being that. He thinks he could also love it this way too. 

They manage to pick up the keyring, but it drops halfway to the basket. “That’s okay,” Kageyama tells him “That’s why we have three tries. Well… one more try,” he teases, and Hinata bumps him without malice. “Your turn,” he tells him “I’ve shown you how, now you do the rest.”

Hinata exhales slowly and zones in on the keyrings like it’s the last curry bun he’ll ever eat. Kageyama smirks down at him with pride, because _he_ helped put that look in Hinata’s eye. 

To his surprise, Hinata manages to pick the keyring back up. Kageyama holds his breath as he hears the grind and pull of the claw as Hinata attempts to bring it towards them. When it drops into the basket, the noise makes both of them jump and they look at each other with eyes gleaming.

It takes two seconds for Hinata to start jumping ecstatically, waving his arms in the air and praising whatever gods are listening, telling Kageyama that he’s a genius. Kageyama just laughs. Laughs in relief, laughs at his miniature and impulsive boyfriend and most of all, laughs because he’s having a _good time_. 

He leans down to collect their prize, twirls it around his finger the way Tanaka does with the clubroom keys and hands it to Hinata. 

“Here,” he says. “Well done.”

“I barely did anything,” Hinata points out.

“It was a joint effort,” Kageyama smiles. “And anyway… I just… I want you to have it… maybe it’s lucky or something…” Kageyama shakes his head. “Forget I said anything, it’s stupid, I’ll just throw it away.” But Hinata puts a hand over his wrist and smiles up at him biting his bottom lip to try and keep all his Hinataness inside. 

“I love it,” he tells Kageyama. He feels completely helpless and at a loss under Hinata’s stare.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Hinata asks him quietly. 

“Did you kill someone?” 

“No, nitwit!” Hinata laughs but flicks him around the hand with the keyring all the same. “No, I just… I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Kageyama _knows_ what face he’s making right now. All his muscles go tense and he probably looks constipated. It happens fairly regularly whenever Hinata does his relentless praise thing while they’re on the court. _You really are amazing Kageyama_! _You’re even better than the Great King_! _That was so coooooool_! And really, he should be used to it by now. It shouldn’t make his face seize up like it’s stuck in cement. He’s not entirely sure how badly he _wants_ to get used to it. 

And the truth is, his face is probably also clenching up like his life depends on it because, now that Hinata has mentioned it, he would very, very much like to kiss Hinata too. He doesn’t have the tools for just expressing it so freely the way that Hinata does. He is the worst boyfriend in the world and he doesn’t know how to respond that they can’t exactly do it _here_ , but without making it sound like he’s it’s because of _Hinata_ that he doesn’t want to kiss. 

He swallows and takes a breath. “Later,” he murmurs. 

It was the right thing to say because Hinata gets fidgety and wriggly again and Kageyama gives himself a pat on the back, sighing internally with relief. However, before he can make any poor decisions, such as grabbing Hinata by his shirt and kissing him anyway, he hears the familiar pain of Tsukishima’s voice behind him. 

“Have you guys seen Tadashi?” he asks. Kageyama counts from 1 to 10 in every language he knows. Which is just the one. It’s not enough languages to calm him down. 

* * *

Getting into an argument with Tsukkishima may have prevented Kageyama from outing his relationship with Hinata to the entire arcade, but it does nothing to change Kageyama’s mind that this is, without a doubt, the worst date ever. And that includes a horrible misunderstanding between himself and a classmate of his while he was still in middle school. She had thought it was a date, he had thought it was studying, and the whole experience had him _this_ close to foregoing all human interaction for the rest of his life. He’d told Hinata about the whole ordeal one time when Hinata had excitedly informed him that he’d be taking Kageyama on his _first_ date. He’d had to break Hinata’s heart by telling him that wasn’t _technically true._

His mood worsens when a group of them are lining up for some more food and the rubbery fold of the booth’s canopy gives way slightly under the weight of the previous day’s rainwater while Kageyama is standing right underneath it. He’s not the only one that gets wet, but he gets the worst of it and is frozen in shock while he processes what just happened to him. It’s not till he hears Tanaka’s laughter and sees Hinata desperately trying to hold in _his_ that he realises his hair is soaked. 

Hinata ushers him to the side before Kageyama does or says something he may or may not regret and starts to mop his hair dry with his own hoodie. Judging by the look on his face, he seems to find the whole ordeal adorable and wonderful. Kageyama considers breaking up with him then and there. 

“Well seeing as we’re wet anyway!” Noya announces, half a popsicle already in his mouth. “There’s only one ride to choose before we have to start rounding everyone up.” He points to the water ride at the far corner of the park, which earns the approval of the entire party except Kageyama, who freezes. 

He’s silent the entire walk to the ride, but when Hinata and Noya are anywhere near each other, his silence usually goes blessedly unnoticed amidst their mindless chatter. As they start to line up one by one, Kageyama grabs Hinata by his elbow.

“What is it?” Hinata asks.

“I… I don’t know if we should go on this thing, we’ll be wet on the train ride back home.”

“Silly, it’s May, we’ll be dry before you know it,” Hinata teases him, but Kageyama is still rigid and unyielding as a log. “Kageyama…” he says quietly, sensing his distress apparently “what is it?”

“I’ve just…” he swallows “never been on one of these things before.” He wants to close his eyes from the sheer embarrassment of it.

“On a water ride?”

“On _any_ big ride like this,” Kageyama clarifies as quietly as humanly possible. Hinata doesn’t say a word and Kageyama feels the panicked need to fill the silence. “It’s not that I’m scared,” he rambles “But they’re super tall and they really don’t look that safe. Who’s even driving it, right? I just…”

“Well maybe _I’m_ scared,” Hinata interrupts, and Kageyama blinks at him. “Yeah, that’s right, I’m super scared of this big water ride and if I don’t have someone big enough to sit in the cart with me, I might fall right out.” He shifts his feet around on the floor and looks anywhere but Kageyama’s face and Kageyama would bet his entire volleyball career on the fact that Hinata has never _once_ been scared of a roller coaster in his life. He is officially the world’s worst liar. 

For the second time that day, Kageyama feels the devastating need to kiss him. 

“Is that right?” he asks, feeling his heartbeat come back down. 

“Yeah,” Hinata tells him. “Kageyama, pleeeeease will you go on with me! It’s two people per cart and I don’t think I can do it on my own.” 

Kageyama smirks down at him. Later, he’ll tell himself he really tried to resist, but the truth is that it’s just too easy. “You sure you even meet the height requirements to ride it without a normal-sized person with you?”

It takes Tanaka prizing Hinata’s angry grabby hands off him and threatening to make the two of them _walk_ home, before they can actually board the ride. They start speaking again about 10 minutes into the queue and then as they approach the cart, Kageyama remembers his nerves once more. He was hoping to sit in front of Hinata so that he would have something solid to grab onto in front of him, as well as Hinata’s comforting presence behind him, but the ride attendant informs everyone that the heaviest passengers must sit at the back.

He stares at the bottom of the wooden boat and feels his heartbeat in his ears. He wants to throw up the bread he just ate.

“What a shame they don’t measure it by brain size,” Hinata tells him as he gets in. “That way you’d _definitely_ have to sit at the front.”

Kageyama huffs and lets him have it considering his own snide comment earlier on. Hinata looks up at him, fake wide-eyed and far too innocent-looking for anyone that actually knows him. “You not gonna protect me?”

Kageyama exhales and boards the boat. Once he’s in, Hinata is on him with impressive speed, wriggling backwards much further than he needs to so there’s barely any space between them and grabs the side railings rather than the front ones. In doing so, their hands are basically touching as much as they physically can without actually drawing attention to themselves. With Hinata’s hair reaching just below Kageyama’s nose, the sugary, cotton candy smell of Hinata’s shampoo fills his senses. He’s found that over the last few weeks it’s actually become one of his comfort scents. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels the tiniest touch of Hinata’s pinky against his index finger. Hinata turns his head slightly so his voice doesn’t get drowned out by the sloshing of the water and the excited noises of kids around them. There are _kids_ on this ride less scared than him. 

“You big dummy,” Hinata murmurs as low as he possibly can. “I’ve got you.”

Which Kageyama thinks is possibly the dumbest thing to have ever come out of Hinata’s mouth, because in the position they’re in, if anyone has _anyone_ , it’s Kageyama that has Hinata. But he’s never felt _less_ like he’s got a hold of something than he does in this moment and Hinata is so close to him that he can definitely feel the evidence of that fact pounding through Kageyama’s chest. 

The sure touch of Hinata's finger against his feels just as grounding as a full-body hug. And while in his panicked state even he will admit that he would do anything to have Hinata’s arms wrapped around him right now, if Hinata says he’s got him and that it’s going to be okay, maybe his hammering pulse will also listen. 

* * *

They get absolutely soaked. Hinata screams with delight the entire way and when they get to the last drop, Kageyama can’t help his hands from flying around Hinata’s waist as though he’s drowning and Hinata is his life jacket. Even though he’s a little shell shocked, he still has the good sense to untangle himself before anyone of importance sees them. 

They all have a bit of a wobble in their legs as they walk off, Kageyama more than the rest. Truthfully, with Hinata there with him it wasn’t even as bad as he’d expected, even if he did pay extra attention to the gears and sounds as they climbed the final drop. 

Noya and Tanaka play the parts of the responsible third years again when they tell everyone to stay where they are while they round up the last few first years that they’re missing before they head off to the train station. The others disperse a reasonable distance, some finding a bench to sit on, some laying out and stretching on the grassy patch nearby, but Kageyama isn’t confident he’ll stand again once he sits with his legs as shaky as they currently are, so he stays put.

When he turns to face Hinata again, he notices that Hinata has taken off his zip-up hoodie and is squeezing the ends of his hair with it to get rid of the excess water. And Kageyama. Stops. Breathing. 

After the two weeks they’d all spent together in Tokyo, he’s seen the boys in all sorts of strange and unusual states, from half-naked coming out of the bath, to toothpaste and drool all over their face. He’s seen Hinata with wet hair before. But never like this. Whenever he’s seen him after a bath, Hinata’s hair has been towelled and patted. Even during a match, his curls only get slightly damp around the back of his neck and ears. 

Now, however, seemingly thousands of water droplets are clinging to every hair fibre, even as he attempts to dry off. His hair is so much flatter when it’s wet and it makes him look that much smaller, which really shouldn’t be possible, and yet. And as if his hair wasn’t distracting enough, Kageyama’s razor-sharp senses start to hone in on every other detail that looks different about him. There’s water dripping down the sides of his face where he neglected to wipe it. His lashes, usually invisible from his light hair colour are clumped together and darker, with tiny little drops hanging there, threatening to break free at any second. They frame his eyes more somehow, make them look even bigger, even more inquisitive. His cheeks are pink from the cold temperature of the water and his lips are slightly parted and _they’re_ wet too. There’s water dripping from his earlobes and his pointy chin. Kageyama doesn’t know _where to look_ and for the love of god, it’s just water. He looks so adorable, so different from the way Kageyama usually experiences him that it makes his head spin.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring, but when Hinata turns to look at him, his dumbfoundedness must be written on his face, because Hinata frowns, before his cheeks _flame_. His hands go perfectly still where they’re massaging his hair through his hoodie and he just _stares._ Not at Kageyama’s face like he imagined he would. No, Hinata’s eyes are definitely pointing downwards. It’s enough to break Kageyama’s embarrassment, and he looks down to see what could have possibly caught Hinata’s attention. Which is when he sees his own white shirt, soaked to the bone from the water ride, clinging to his chest and stomach and 100% see-through. 

He goes red so fast he thinks his fingers and toes go numb from the loss of blood in them. Hinata isn’t faring much better and they both just stand in mutually and silently agreed upon shock. 

“Gather round!” he hears Tanaka roar and for the first time that day, he’s eternally grateful for the interruption. 

* * *

“So…” Hinata starts once they’re dryer and settled in their seats on the train back home. On their walk to the station, Hinata had awkwardly offered his damp hoodie to Kageyama with a mumbled _you need this more than I do_ , but now it just sits between them, rolled up and useless. “That didn’t really go according to plan I suppose.” Kageyama isn’t sure if he means the water ride or the day in general, but he hums in agreement because both went pretty poorly. “What do you think?” Hinata asks him. 

Kageyama fiddles with the hoodie between them and just says, “It wasn’t great. As far as um… playtime goes,” Hinata grins at Kageyama’s use of his codeword. “It wasn’t really what I was expecting to be honest.”

“Me neither,” Hinata grimaces. “I was… I guess I was hoping to…” he looks around to assess who might be listening and lowers his voice “to spend some more time with you. Alone.” 

“Yeah…” Kageyama agrees. “Feels like a bit of a write-off, doesn’t it?”

“Well… not all of it,” Kageyama turns to his right to look at Hinata, who looks slightly shy. “In the boat that was… that wasn’t a write-off. For me. Or at the arcade.”

Kageyama starts to fidget and without realising it, he’s scanning the train for sounds of snoring or heavy breathing, anything to let him know his friends are asleep and not listening to their conversation. He shoots a flustered, desperate look at Hinata, who chews his lip and then lights up. He fishes around for his phone, before waving it triumphantly at Kageyama. He taps away furiously at it and Kageyama hears his own phone buzz. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _This is much better, right Boyfriend-yama?_

Kageyama grins at his phone screen.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Is that why we’re texting? You been dying to call me that all day, haven’t you???_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _duh!! :D_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I had a nice time today. But you’re right, it wasn’t really what I had in mind. I was hoping it would be a bit more….. rom_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _Romantic???_

Kageyama peers over at him to see him blushing. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way we thought…_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _NO!_   
**Shouyou Hinata:** _YoU WERE AWESOME!!! It was just cause we couldn’t get any privacy - but like that moment in the arcade? Ifgjhiohgodf I reeeeeally wished I could have kissed you. And later by the boat…_

They meet each other’s eyes and look away instantly. Texting was a lot more awkward when said person could make eye contact with you.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _I guess… I guess being super-secret spies is quite a lot of work isn’t it??_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _yeah… like right now!!! I wanna talk to you out loud. Well actually what I reeeeally want is to take a nap on your shoulder because I’m soooo tired\,/em >_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _You ate half your body weight, that’s why!_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _But if we weren’t super-secret spies, I could use you as a pillow! Pillow-yama!_

Hinata giggles next to him and it makes Kageyama lean his head back against his chair to stop himself from pulling Hinata into him right there. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Maybe next time we have a date we should just go to my place. Play video games, idk, just hang out? We can just be together and not worry._

**Shouyou Hinata:** _:D :D :D_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _And maybe… maybe we can talk about not being such super-secret spies anymore???_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _How would we go about doing that?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _I don’t know… I’m not crazy about everyone knowing, but I also don’t want to have to text you when you’re sitting right next to me!_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Yeah that would be nice…._  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _Maybe we should just do it how Daichi and Suga did? Just tell one person and have it slowly get out?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Doesn’t make it less weird if someone sees us acting differently and hasn’t found out yet…_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _hmmmm_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _Maybe we should just… idk… act the way we want to act and let whoever sees us think what they wanna think?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I’m not saying we have to KISS in front of others, but if I wanna hug you, I’ll hug you, if I wanna touch your arm, I’ll touch your arm. Maybe we’re reading too much into it and no one would even see the difference???_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _That’s probably the best thing to do yeah...._

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Can I try something? Just don’t make a noise and freak out or someone might look over???_

How the hell is that not supposed to make him freak out? His mind comes up with a million horrendous things that Hinata might have in store for him, but Hinata just takes his wrist and lays it on the seat in the small space between them. He then takes the hoodie that’s lying between them and puts it over both of their hands, before smiling up at Kageyama with mischievous giddiness and laces their fingers together. 

He can feel how excited Hinata is by this small gesture just from his racing pulse against Kageyama’s own wrist. Just like he’d felt it when they’d kissed for the first time. He’s sure that his pulse isn’t in any better shape because feeling Hinata’s fingers wrapped around his is enough to erase any bad or embarrassing or uncomfortable feelings he’s felt today. More than enough. 

“Can I ask you something?” he asks Hinata on their walk back from the train station later. They’ve stopped holding hands, but they just about brush while they walk side by side as close as they possibly can.

“Hmm?”

“This date was really important to you today wasn’t it?” It’s not the most forlorn he’s seen Hinata today, but the way his face drops just a little tells him he’s on the right track. “Can I ask why?”

Hinata sighs. “I don’t know, it’s just… we had such a rough time before… you know, with figuring everything out and then us fighting and not talking… it just didn’t seem very romantic, you know? Like even our first kiss was while I was tangled in athlete’s tape.” He puts his hands over his face to hide what Kageyama assumes is embarrassment. He’s not sure _why_ though.

“I loved it,” he tells Hinata. That makes his head spin round in shock.

“So did I!” he assures Kageyama. “Oh my god, _so_ much! And _every_ kiss since then, it’s just… nothing’s been _by the book_ , you know? I thought if we had one thing that was by the book, then years later, I could say _yeah, our first date was perfect_!”

Kageyama very much tries to ignore his dizziness at the words _years later_ because it puts images in his head that make him equal parts desperately happy and so terrified that he might even brave the water log again to get them out of his head.

“That’s a pretty high bar,” he says instead.

“Well, why wouldn’t it be?” Hinata asks with no room for negotiation. “You’re already the perfect setter, and I don’t want anyone else to be my boyfriend either, so why shouldn’t our dates also be that perfect?” 

He views the world with such optimism, such innocence. An innocence that Kageyama is sure he had _once_ , but even at the tender age of 16 he’s been let down enough times already - mostly by his _own_ self and then occasionally by others - to see the world in the same bright colours that Hinata does. Which is why he so desperately wants him in his life. Why he’s so happy, but not yet ready to voice just how much, that Hinata wants to hold hands with him under a damp hoodie. Why, for the third time today, he wants to kiss Hinata, _right now_. This time, he’s done waiting

He checks to see if there’s anyone around and then grabs Hinata by the wrist a little too forcefully - a habit he still needs to break - and pulls then into a smaller street so they’re not _so_ on display for the whole neighbourhood to see. Hinata looks giddy and happy at the change of scenery, whatever it may mean. 

“You still want that kiss?” Kageyama asks sheepishly. So much for being the king on the court and apparently the skivvy boy the rest of the time, particularly when he’s trying to be smooth. 

Hinata lights up and doesn’t have to be told twice. He hooks the sleeve of his hoodie around Kageyama’s neck - he has to go up on tiptoes ever so slightly to do it - and then tugs Kageyama’s head down to meet his warm and familiar lips. 

Hinata, like most of the times they’ve kissed, is smiling against him like he’s physically incapable of doing it any other way. Kageyama sighs into it and brings his arms to wrap Hinata up even closer against him. It’s not a long kiss - more of an extended peck, really - but it relaxes him so much, he’s sure he could fall asleep right here if he didn’t think Hinata would break in two if he tried to carry him home. Hinata breaks the kiss slowly and sweetly, then just grins and pecks him one more time for good measure. 

“I’m sorry the date didn’t go to plan,” Kageyama whispers. “We’ll do better next time.”

“It wasn’t so bad,” Hinata says, face still close “I got to cuddle up with you for your first-ever roller coaster ride. God, please don’t kill me, but it made me feel like my heart was gonna explode, you were so sweet. Were you very scared?”

Kageyama hasn’t blushed so much in his life as when he’s started dating Hinata and sometimes he thinks it was easier when he and Hinata were just at each other’s throats all the time and Hinata only complimented him once in a while. Though does he really want to count _sweet_ as a positive? Isn’t that what grandparents call their grandkids?

“Your lame directs scare me more than that ride,” he murmurs, but there’s no real bite and Hinata knows he’s full of shit anyway. 

On their way back home, their hands occasionally brush, and once, in the midst of all the accidental ones, Kageyama touches his pinky to Hinata’s index finger just once. Judging by the smile he tries and fails to hide, he thinks Hinata knows that was no accident. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	2. Chapter 2

The thing about plans is that they almost never go how you want them to.

Kageyama should really know this by now, considering his big plans of entering high school wearing a white and purple uniform were swiftly shut down over a year ago. But that doesn’t change the fact that he really did have more faith that when he and Hinata decided to just let their teammates _come to their own conclusions_ regarding their relationship, that _something_ would have happened. He forgot to account for one thing: he _hates_ not knowing what people are thinking.

In fact, apart from losing, it’s probably his least favourite human experience, and yet he’s somehow managed to create his own particular version of a nightmare. He was an absolute idiot. Hinata had told him that they should just _act normal_ and see what happens, as though Kageyama has even begun to understand what _normal_ for them even means. 

He knows there are a million social rules about what he and Hinata are doing and he just about understands about a handful of them right now. He knows that there are supposed to be dates, something which they’ve already tried and failed at, and he knows there’s supposed to be hand holding, kissing and possibly pet names? He’s really not sure how he feels about the last one… 

But since they’ve mutually agreed that neither of them can afford to constantly go out like they did at the theme park - _Hinata, do you have any idea how much dates cost_ \- they’ve resigned themselves to mostly hanging out at Kageyama’s house, playing video games and coming up with game plans for the upcoming season. All in all, when he thinks about _normal_ , nothing about their dynamic has really changed; perhaps they’re marginally nicer to each other these days. Just slightly. 

The only thing that’s starkly different is now that they’re a couple, instead of just fighting over the good remote and it ending up in a full blown wrestling match, they’ll fight over the good remote, Hinata will smile at Kageyama and say “kiss?” and Kageyama will peck him, only to steal it from him anyway. It still occasionally ends in a wrestling match, only with the added benefit of the kissing part. There isn’t a chance in hell that he’s comfortable with kissing Hinata in any way in front of another person, let alone their entire team. He’d imagined that by giving themselves free rein to be themselves out in public, people would somehow psycho kinetically figure it out, only to remember that there isn’t a whole lot he’s actually okay with doing in public. 

He decides that the best course of action is to leave it all to Hinata; a choice that he’s about forty-five per cent sure he’ll end up regretting, but if he can trust Hinata to be there behind him when he sets, he’s sure he can trust him with this too. Hinata has always been so much more gifted with any kind of personal expression that doesn’t involve growling or arguing than he is, so he’s sure that he’ll find a way to make it known to others how much they like each other. 

The first time it happens, coach Ukai has gathered them around to inform them of their new starting lineups. Not much has changed apart from Hinata finally being moved into the wing spiker position like he’s always wanted, with Tadashi replacing him as a middle blocker. Kageyama can’t help the pride he feels, though he does manage to keep his stoic expression. 

It’s then that Hinata, who is standing next to him, reaches out and wraps his tiny arms around Kageyama’s forearm. Kageyama goes completely rigid but doesn’t let his expression betray him. He had agreed to this after all, but now that it’s happening, he desperately wants to scan the room for signs of other people’s eyes on them. That would be too suspicious. 

He makes an effort to relax for Hinata’s sake; he doesn’t want him thinking that Kageyama finds him off-putting when that couldn't be further from the truth. 

They carry on like that for what feels like forever. Sometimes Hinata will grab his arm, sometimes he’ll wipe the sweat from his face with a towel. On one memorable occasion, Hinata even ran across the court to Kageyama and jumped on his back like a little monkey after they’d won a practice game. It seems that no matter what they do or how affectionate Hinata is, no one really takes any notice. 

He’s aware, on some level, that it probably has more to do with all of them diving head-first into their prefectural prelim prep than anything else. And it’s not like he can blame them for not being able to care less about him and Hinata, considering that if he were in their shoes he would do exactly the same thing. It’s just that on this one solitary occasion, it would be so useful for them to all just simultaneously find out about their relationship, and then swiftly move on from it. 

But instead of reacting with logic as he should, he begins to catalogue all the various ways in which he could be coming off as cold or uninterested when Hinata shows affection for him in front of the team. It’s the only way he can think it possible that not one of them, especially the ones with zero boundaries, have walked up to them to ask what’s going on.

The next time Hinata goes to wrap himself around Kageyama’s arm, he makes a conscious effort to reach out and touch him back. What he wants to do is to pet and stroke his hair, the way he’s done a dozen times now in the last couple of months. Hinata is the perfect height for a head pat. But as his eyes come up and remind his stress senses that there are people here, he ends up just grabbing Hinata by his hair instead, earning a startled yelp. 

“You two!” Ennoshita scolds them. “Don’t make me separate you. Set a good example for the first years for god’s sake.”

Kageyama feels instantly guilty and avoids Hinata’s scowling, adorable face as they get ready for another practice game. 

He messes up several combos that day and feels his anxiety rise with each missed hit. Feels the swell of panic at the thought of being benched for another setter until he remembers that he’s now the only setter on the team. The one sole player responsible for their offence. 

“Kageyama,” Ukai says to him after the first set, “you doin’ okay? You seem out of sorts today.”

“I didn’t sleep well,” he lies. It’s at times like these he feels lucky that his natural state of being appears gloomy and solemn because it hides his actual moments of sadness perfectly. Like he’s camouflaged by his own body.

“You need a break?” Ukai asks. 

He can’t take a break. If this were a real match, he wouldn’t be able to take a break and so he can’t afford to take a break now. He squeezes his water bottle as though it’s his own head and despises at that moment just how much he _misses_ Suga. How badly he’d taken him for granted when they were both still here. Not just as a fellow setter but as so many other things that he thinks he could really have used right now. 

“No sir,” he murmurs, before coming back onto the court.

* * *

His performance doesn’t improve the day after and he knows that the only reason Ukai hasn’t just benched him is because there’s no one of even close to equal skill on the team that he can replace him with. If he keeps this up, he’s probably only going to be allowed on the court through necessity, not choice. It makes him feel sick.

Hinata notices. Of course he does. 

It doesn’t even take two days before he’s shooting concerned glances at Kageyama from across the court. He’s also stopped touching him as much which makes Kageyama even angrier, because not only has he managed to jeopardize the team, but he’s now unappealing even to his own boyfriend. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _you okay? Xxx_

He texts Kageyama after morning practice while they’re still cleaning up. He grips his phone so hard he might actually crush it. The whole point of all of this was to stop them from having to text while in the same room together. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _I thought we weren’t doing this anymore???_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _you seemed a bit… idk different._   
**Shouyou Hinata:** _thought messaging might be a better idea with everyone around just in case._

He doesn’t actually want to lie to Hinata but he’s nowhere near sure what the truth even is, doesn’t even own the map he needs to find it. It’s just easier to tell Hinata what he wants to hear. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _I’m fine Hinata. Like I told coach - I’m tired._

He knows Hinata won’t believe a single word. He misses the days sometimes when Hinata was a person he could actually hide from.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Okay. You wanna nap together after school??? :D_

He wants nothing more than to nap with him. And hold him and let the smell of his cotton candy shampoo fill his head till it washes him clean of his own thoughts. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _if you insist._

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _:D :D :D_

* * *

Having Hinata at arm’s length during practice at least helps him to concentrate on playing rather than worrying about what everyone else is thinking, which means that he starts to see some sort of improvement at practice. Other than Hinata keeping his hands to himself more often, his and Hinata’s dynamic barely changes during practice. Hinata never looks mad or frustrated with him, which somehow makes the whole thing worse, because being angry with himself and hating his own behaviour is too tiring and difficult to do all on his own.

His and Hinata’s after school hang out sessions - or _not dates_ as Hinata had decided to dub them - become less and less frequent the closer they get to prelims, as Kageyama comes up with excuse after excuse. Partly, he can’t stand being alone in the same room as Hinata knowing that he’ll eventually break up with him because Kageyama can’t behave like a normal person when Hinata touches him in front of other people, but also he’s finding sleep to be more and more elusive as they edge towards their first prelim game and once Kageyama gets home from school, he’s usually out like a light within the hour. 

The week before they’re due to leave for Sendai, Kageyama wakes up on Friday morning, not to his alarm, but to a nightmare. It already has his nerves set on edge and he doesn’t know what time it is or if he’s late. 

As he’s scrambling around to get ready, he looks at his calendar where the date for the prelims is marked in just over a week’s time. For the first time in years, he feels utterly unprepared. For the match, for the loss he knows is coming and for the bus ride there where he has no idea how he and Hinata are supposed to sit and touch and behave. He tells his legs to move. They won’t. He wants to do some practice sets against his bedroom wall but his hands won’t stop sweating. 

He closes his eyes, curses, and for the first time in his life, goes downstairs and fakes a sickness to avoid going to school. 

* * *

Hinata finds him sitting on his bedroom floor, back against his bed, knees tucked up. He has no idea how many hours have passed but it must be after 3 at least if Hinata is here. The light in his room isn’t on and his curtains are still drawn so can just about make out Hinata’s orange hair through whatever light the thin material is letting in.

“What are you doing here?” he slurs. 

Hinata drops his bag and crouches in front of him on the floor. “You haven’t been answering my messages all day, I’ve been worried sick, so I left during lunch to come see what’s going on.”

He looks up at Hinata and there’s no anger on his face, only concern. _He’d_ put that there. 

“It’s a week till prelims,” is all he says.

“So?” Hinata asks him. “Are you nervous? Are you sick?” He puts a hand to Kageyama’s forehead as though he even knows what to check for if someone is seriously ill. 

“It’s a week till prelims and we’ve been dating for two months, Hinata.”

“I don’t… I don’t think we have to celebrate every month anniversary? I mean unless _you_ want to but-”

“Hinata it’s been two months and still no one knows,” he feels his voice cracking and all it takes is one look, one _proper_ look at Hinata’s open and trusting eyes and he feels something snap. It makes his nerve endings uncontrollable and his mind completely detach from his control. 

“Nobody knows because I’ve been too scared to _do_ anything,” he continues and the pacing of his words is frantic, disjointed. He can feel his voice sobbing but there are no tears falling. “I don’t know how to tell them and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it a secret and you don’t deserve this, I can’t even hold your hand, I can’t even be near you and when they find out they’ll hate me, they’ll kick me off the team and I can’t _tell_ them Hinata I can’t, I can’t…” 

He knows he _wants_ to say more but he can’t. He can’t because he needs air to form words. He doesn’t have enough air to do it. He’s locked in a metal crate. There are no air holes for him to see through, to breathe through. Not one. He’s blind, he’s deaf. He sees and hears nothing but darkness and his own heartbeat and it’s making his head _split._ How can there be so much pain in his skull but numbness everywhere else? He’s panting, he can’t get the breaths fast enough and the faster he tries, the less he takes in. He’s going to vomit. He’s going to pass out. He needs to hold onto something so he doesn’t fall over but he’s already _sitting_. He’s falling. He’s falling so fast and he can’t see the end. He-

“Kageyama.” Hinata’s voice is soft but decidedly firm, as though Kageyama is underwater and Hinata is beckoning him to the shore. “Kageyama, I think you’re having a panic attack.” His words sound slower in Kageyama’s ears as though they’re being played backwards through a tape recorder. But even in slow motion, Kageyama registers Hinata’s concern. “Noya told me that Asahi gets them sometimes...”

“I’m not— I’m not…” Kageyama pants. He shakes his head violently. He feels dizzy again. His hands scrabble in front of him and Hinata’s move to try and catch them with a murmured “hey, heeeey.”

Hinata manages to find his hands and holds them, bringing Kageyama back ever so slightly from his precipice. He still can’t _breathe_ though and he feels so full he can’t move. Full of what, he doesn’t know but it’s going to overwhelm him any second. He needs to get a grip. He needs to get a grip _now_.

“Kageyama, I want you to listen to my voice, can you do that?” All he can do is nod. “Okay, good. Can I put my hand to your chest?” He nods again and Hinata does it. “Can I put your hand to mine?” He nods. They sit like that with Hinata’s right palm placed against the place where his heart lives and his own right palm against Hinata’s chest with Hinata’s left hand gently laid across it. It’s only then that he feels how sweaty his hand is compared to Hinata’s.

“I’m going to start breathing and I want you to match my breaths as best as you possibly can. Do you promise?” 

Kageyama nods and now that he’s slightly calmer, he can _definitely_ hear the shake in Hinata’s voice. “Okay then here we go.”

They breathe together and Hinata’s breath and his eyes and his good, kind heart bring him back to life second by agonising second. Each time Kageyama’s breath slows, it shakes that little bit more on the exhale. Hinata is keeping a torturous pace but it’s working wonders and he never once lets go of Kageyama’s hand. Never once makes him feel like he’s in danger of falling back down.

When their breathing patterns finally, _finally_ match up, Kageyama lets out a sound that could be a sob. He recognises it now as the frightening presence that made him feel full and empty all at the same time and he just lets it escape. He lets it escape and Hinata is right there to catch him. He must have sensed it before Kageyama does because his arms are already open when Kageyama’s forehead crashes against Hinata’s sternum and he wraps Kageyama in his trust and understanding and his little arms. 

They’re nowhere near close enough and Kageyama grips Hinata’s t-shirt in his hands, trying to wriggle nearer in their awkward position, but his limbs have turned to lead. Hinata, always the smarter one, comes off his haunches and sits flat on the floor, putting pressure on Kageyama’s lower back to encourage him closer and into his lap. 

Kageyama goes to him like a duck to water and sits directly in his tiny lap, wrapping his legs around Hinata’s lower back and clinging to him as though he’s the last breath of air in a dark room. Maybe he is. 

He waits for the embarrassment and shame to overwhelm him at being treated with such gentleness, but he’s barely slept in days and the only thing his instincts know how to feel right now is release. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Hinata whispers, and all Kageyama does is nod as he wraps his arms around him. His voice is barely, _barely_ audible when he speaks, but with his words right by Kageyama’s ear, he hears each one as clear as day. “I had one of these once too. I’m not sure I knew what it was then, but I think I realise now. It was back in middle school on the bus ride to that match we played against you. I was so scared that the last few years were going to be for nothing and that I’d never get to play again. That I’d wasted all that time. And I thought of the big scary guys I knew I’d face there. And I sat in the back of the bus and I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was gonna be sick and my eyes went all blurry.”

Kageyama clings to him harder and feels a scream building up inside him at the idea of Hinata feeling anything close to what he just did. It’s only been about 20 seconds since he’s climbed into Hinata’s lap and even though he can breath easier, he still feels his thudding heart beating against his and Hinata’s t-shirts. He also knows that he’s been the cause of Hinata’s stress and anxiety on _more_ than one occasion since the day they first met and he swears in there and then to devote every moment he can to making sure he’s the one that Hinata comes to when he’s in pain, rather than be the cause of it. He’ll fail. But dammit if he’s not going to try. 

Hinata brings his hand to the back of Kageyama’s head and strokes his hair like he’s a little boy with a scraped knee. 

His whole life, he’s always thought tears to be the product of something negative, something violent or painful. An injury, an argument, an actual physical fight. He’s never known crying to come from being treated as something this fragile and worthy of careful handling. He lets it happen. He _needs_ it to happen. 

As Hinata shushes him, Kageyama cries and cries and cries until he finally starts to feel awake again. 

* * *

Once Kageyama is suitably calmed down, the two of them sit on his bedroom floor together and indulge in pots of instant noodles that, for some reason, Hinata enjoys. _Hinata that stuff is so bad for it, it’s probably stunted your growth_ Kageyama had once said to him when he realised how much Hinata loved the stuff. 

“Can I ask you something?” Hinata asks around a mouth of yakisoba. Kageyama just hums in agreement.

“Earlier you said … you said you thought you’d get thrown off the team if they knew about us.”

Right. He had said that. 

“We shouldn’t talk with our mouths full,” he says with his mouth very much full. Hinata jabs him in the side. 

“Crappy-yama don’t even try it, you’d talk with your mouth full of anything!” 

“Well right now yours is full of shit,” he bites back with a grumpy side eye.

“Nice try,” Hinata scolds him, “spill.”

Kageyama sighs and puts his cup of noodles down next to him. When he fails to answer the question for a good few seconds, Hinata speaks up again.

“Is it um… is it something to do with the whole _guy_ thing?” He sounds a little sheepish at the question and he nudges Kageyama’s bare foot with his own where they’re stretched out and nearly touching. 

Kageyama sighs and closes his eyes. It’s _one_ of the things that’s been concerning him, even if it wasn’t the main reason for his meltdown. He knows what Hinata will say. That they shouldn’t care about what others think and that he wants to be with Kageyama anyway. And Kageyama loves that Hinata lives in the clouds most of the time, but he’s not sure how safe the clouds are for them if there are people out there strong enough to still throw stones at them. They don’t live in Tokyo; they’re country bumpkin crows living in a mountain town in Miyagi.

“Because you know that no one will care, right?” he says as if on cue. “I mean, I don’t know about the whole _world_ , sure, but no one on the team will care. Daichi and Suga were a couple the whole time we’ve been on the team and I never saw anyone give them crap, right? Same with Noya and Asahi.” Kageyama silently acknowledges Hinata’s logic in that. “And unlike you, I actually have _eyes_ ,” he continues. Kageyama bumps his foot right back for that last remark. 

Kageyama turns his head and mumbles, “everyone actually _likes_ those guys though.”

“What was that?”

“I said the team actually liked Daichi and Suga…” he pauses and attempts to make sense of what he’s trying to communicate. The last thing he wants is for Hinata to misunderstand him. “Hinata, everyone likes you. Have you ever noticed that?”

Hinata scrunches up his nose. “Not everyone!” he insists. “Tsukki’s always being mean to me, and The Great King calls me Shorty and-”

“You know what I mean,” Kageyama chuckles, because are they really going to fight over who is disliked the most? “My point is that you know I’m, um… not very good… with people…” Hinata patiently lets him continue. “And I know that the team just sees me as the setter. It’s not… it’s not the way it is with you. People come to sit next to you and talk to you and ask to hang out with you. When I’m around, I just make people annoyed. What if they find out about us and then…. I don’t know, they get mad and don’t want to be on the team with me anymore because they think I’m no good for you?” _Maybe they’d be right_ …

Hinata stares at him and at first Kageyama thinks he’s incredulous, but after a moment he realises Hinata is looking at him forlorn, not shocked. “You big idiot,” he says softly, “no one thinks that about you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Y _es,_ I do. You just said yourself that I talk to everyone, so don’t be a bonehead. I know that’s hard for you…” Another tap, but this time Kageyama attempts to knee Hinata in the side of the leg. “No one on the team hates you, you airhead. Some of the first years are _terrified_ of you, but that might be because of that one time you tried to smile at them…”

“ _You’ve_ never been scared of my smile…” he points out. In fact, when he smiles at Hinata, he’s only ever seen him beam up at him like the time they saw the Skytree for the first time. Hinata clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about. 

“Kageyama, I’m sorry to tell you that those are in no way shape or form the same smiles…” he tries to suppress a giggle and fails. “We’ll work on it another time, but please just don’t see things that aren’t there…”

He doesn’t know how much of what Hinata is saying is true and how much is for his pathetic and gloomy benefit, but he appreciates the sentiment all the same. It makes him feel a little bit braver when he says, “Hinata, it’s just… a lot of change. You get that, right? That everything is going to change when they know…” Hinata frowns and Kageyama quickly corrects himself, “I _want_ them to know, I _do_ , I hate hiding it... but these past few weeks, not knowing who might know and not knowing what they think of me… of us… it’s kind of all I’ve been able to think about… all of the rules that will change when it’s out in the open.”

Hinata reaches down to lay a hand over his, “I’m not sure that there really are any rules, but even if there are, can’t we just make them ourselves?”

“I’m not sure it’s that simple, Hinata…”

“Maybe it is,” he says, once again hitting him with more optimism than he’s able to handle. “It’s like in volleyball, right? We change the rules when we need to to make it more exciting and fun. The libero wasn’t always on the team, but now he’s one of the coolest players ever. But he couldn’t be there if we didn’t make the room. So maybe we need to change the rules to make room for Hinata and Kageyama as boyfriends rather than Hinata and Kageyama as teammates? And even if it takes a bit of work to figure out where that new position fits on the court, it doesn’t mean that it has to be painful. Not if we’re doing it as a team.”

Kageyama isn’t sure if Hinata is referring to the team as the 14 of them, or the team as the two of them, but both scenarios make Kageyama concede that maybe, just maybe, Hinata is onto something. Japanese may be Kageyama’s first language, but it’s certainly not his most fluent one. Trust Hinata to understand that and bring it back to volleyball to help his idiot boyfriend see sense. But volleyball is also _Hinata’s_ second language and so it’s no coincidence that even when Kageyama is acting his most stupid, Hinata still knows exactly how to get through to him. They live on two different planets when it comes to knowing how to communicate with other human beings, but this much at least, they have in common. 

He feels his face relax and laces their fingers together where they’re already touching in his lap. 

“Maybe…” Hinata murmurs, careful not to disturb the calm that’s finally fallen across the room, “maybe just telling one person might make you feel more at ease. So you can see that it’s not as scary as it seems? But if not, I’m happy to wait. I don’t care how long things take, just being around you makes me really happy and excited. I don’t need the whole world to know. If being secret spies makes this easier, then we can still do that. But it’s not making you happier, is it?”

Kageyama smiles and squeezes Hinata’s hand. Okay, maybe he can sort of feel the difference Hinata was talking about with the smiling thing. 

He doesn’t want to keep Hinata waiting. He’d kept them both waiting long enough in getting this far as it is by being the one that choked them in silence. He wants to prove that he’s worthy of all of the happiness and excitement that Hinata just mentioned, only…

“I don’t even have one person I could tell, Hinata,” he says. “Remember, I just said, I’m hardly Mr Popular on or off the court.”

Hinata says nothing for a very, very long time. To the point where Kageyama wonders if he’s just fallen asleep next to him. But eventually, he hears, “Do you trust me?”

Too much, Kageyama thinks. 

He just nods in silence, which is his fourth fluent language, right after anger. 

“Then will you come with me somewhere this Sunday?”

“Where is somewhere?” Kageyama asks absentmindedly because Hinata is stroking his hair again.

“If I told you that, you might not come.”

“Not sure I like the sound of this…”

Hinata turns Kageyama’s head so he can look at him properly. “Just give it a try, okay? I… I think I have an idea…”

There was a time, not too long ago, when Kageyama was able to look Hinata in the eye and tell him _no_. He’s starting to miss those days. 

“Okay,” he grumbles, if only so Hinata will touch his hair more. 

Hinata smiles, wiggles and squeaks out a, “kiss?” to which Kageyama responds by closing the gap between them. 

* * *

At first, he’s convinced Hinata is arranging some super-secret date to help further cheer him up. Which really feels rather unnecessary seeing as he already feels about ten kilos lighter and like he just took in a breath of fresh mountain air simply by talking to Hinata. He really doesn’t see why they have to get on a train and travel all the way to the neighbouring town, especially when they have to be in Sendai for the prelims in less than a week and should really be focused on prepping and resting as much as possible. 

He grumbles and groans all the way to the train station and during the ride, until Hinata finally says, with almost no bite whatsoever, “one more word out of you, Kageyama, and I’ll burst every volleyball you own.”

Kageyama gives him a glare that he’s certain could make mountains tremble. “Try it, Hinata,” he warns, “and I’ll never toss you to ever again.”

As predicted, it earns him a terrified little squeak, but they still bicker and bite all the way from the station to a small cafe where Hinata eventually slows down and stops, probably in an attempt to show Kageyama that this is their destination. He’s not entirely sure what’s so special about this place that Hinata chose to bring them all the way here, but he opens the door with a sigh. 

Which is when he’s stopped dead in his tracks. Not by someone bumping into him, or by a door, or by Hinata, but by the sight of Kindaichi sitting in a booth with his hands in his lap, staring right at them. 

Kageyama is not gifted in any sort of intellectual capacity that would allow him to master skills like communication, academics or any of the things that he _thinks_ would make him a functioning member of society. But playing a sport has honed his brain to the very precise and specific skill of joining up dots, processing lines of logic in order to come to a conclusion that benefits the team for that specific play. 

He looks at Kindaichi, then back at Hinata. Then back again. And again. He thinks to how Hinata had asked them to come here. To a town they didn’t even live in. He sees Kindaichi sitting on his own in a crowded cafe looking right at them. He then looks at Hinata’s most innocent of innocent expressions and comes to the conclusion that there is no way in hell that this is a coincidence. 

“Hinata…” he growls dangerously, drawing out each syllable slowly and carefully. He tries for scary, but what he’s actually feeling is the overwhelming need to _get out of here now_.

Hinata has none of it and clearly doesn't fall for his growly tone, because he pinches Kageyama’s arm and murmurs to him, “Just go and talk to him…”

Kageyama wants to pick Hinata up, carry him over to the counter and grind him up with the rest of the coffee beans. Talk to Kindaichi? What on earth had possessed Hinata to think that any attempt at a conversation between the two of them would result in anything but a cold shoulder from Kindaichi and repressed anger from Kageyama? Was Hinata so stupid that he didn’t know how much Kindaichi hates his guts?

“Kageyama, you promised to trust me…” he says, and his eyes are pleading. He is a filthy, filthy cheat and Kageyama doesn’t understand why anyone buys into his wide-eyed, tiny decoy act. 

He sighs and nods his head to show his agreement, but also incredible reluctance, at the situation. It’s enough for Hinata to stop looking at him as though someone kidnapped his non-existent puppy and he nudges Kageyama’s shoulder in the direction of Kindaichi’s table. When he turns to leave, Kageyama freezes at the realisation that he’s not actually planning on staying. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks, bug-eyed and startled. Hinata looks _far_ too pleased with himself. 

“I’m going to meet Kouji and Izumi in the park, it’s been ages since I saw them. Have fun!” he has the nerve to not only smile as he says it, but also puts his hand up into the air and makes a show of waving goodbye to Kindahici with that same elated expression he gives everyone he speaks to. 

There are. No. Words….

Instead of chasing after Hinata and throttling him like he really wants to, Kageyama does, in fact, turn around - albeit tense and clenching - and walks over to the booth where Kindaichi is still waiting for him. 

“Judging by your expression, I’m guessing you weren’t expecting me to already be here,” Kindaichi says, though he really doesn’t look _that_ much more comfortable than Kageyama feels right now. 

“What are you talking about,” Kageyama mumbles, “this is my normal expression.”

“Yeah, and it looks pretty pissed off.”

“What makes you think it’s not just looking at you that’s pissing me off?”

“Well, if you didn’t want to be here, I assume you would have just left with Hinata by now,” Kindaichi points out. Kageyama scowls. He hates losing an argument. 

Instead of responding, he sits, making sure to keep an overwhelming air of indifference in the way he does it to try and maintain the upper hand. He tries to think of all the ways that he can make this conversation as quick as humanly possible whilst still maintaining the illusion for Hinata that the two of them had _talked_. What on earth Hinata wants them to talk about, Kageyama has no idea.

The last time he and Kindaichi hadn’t been at odds with each other for an extended period of time, they were young enough that they were still passing notes to each other in the back of the classroom while the rest of their peers were scribbling half-readable kanji into their notebooks. On the one hand, it feels like they’d both been completely different people then, especially Kageyama.

“Did you want something to drink?” Kageyama asks.

“I already ordered a tea,” Kindaichi answers. 

Kageyama nods and a second awkward silence ensues. He taps out a regular pattern on the table underneath him as the silence festers and the waiter blessedly brings Kindaichi’s tea over to him. Kageyama doesn’t really _want_ tea, but now he feels naked without something in front of him and so when the waiter looks at him expectedly, he mumbles a polite order for the same as what Kindaichi just ordered. 

“What’s it like being a second year then?” Kindaichi finally asks, and Kageyama doesn’t even mind being beaten to the first word if it will shorten this ordeal as much as possible.

“Fine I guess,” he answers, “different.”

“In what way?”

“I don’t know,” he replies halfheartedly, “it just is.” 

He _does_ know, though. He knows precisely what feels different about it. The lack of his upperclassmen, the way it makes him feel off-balance sometimes and like he’s learning to play from scratch occasionally. The weight of responsibility he feels for the first years, even if Hinata says he terrifies them. The way he just wants time to stop and how he’s never noticed it move so quickly up until this point. But Kindaichi has never seen the world the way he does and so he keeps quiet to mitigate the risk of further bickering between them. 

“Well I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe it’s already been over a year since we started. With the third years gone, it’s um…” Kageyama’s head comes up from where it was just hanging and paying attention to the wooden patterns on the table. “ _Different_ is a good word.”

All of a sudden, there’s too much ease about the way they’re talking, their postures already slightly more open. Kageyama feels the immediate pathological need to destroy it. 

“Kunimi must be dragging you guys down like lead now that Oikawa’s not there to babysit him.” 

There’s a sharpness to Kindaichi’s eyes that Kageyama really wasn’t expecting. 

“He’s a good player and you know it. He always was, you just couldn’t ever get the best out of him like Oikawa could.”

The thing is, for all the time they’ve now spent apart, Kindaichi does actually _know_ Kageyama pretty well. Well enough to know that comparing him to Oikawa is a one-way ticket for his temper to blow like steam coming out of a kettle. But then again, he’d also gone for the jugular himself with his own comment. He also knows that Kindaichi and Kunimi have been fiercely protective of each other for a while and that their bond only grew stronger as his and Kindaichi’s had weakened during their last months at Kitagawa First. 

“Why did you even ask me to come here?” Kindaichi demands. “Because if it was to talk shit about my team, in case you didn’t notice, I have to be in Sendai kicking your ass in less than a week’s time, so I really don’t have time for this.”

“What makes you think I was the one who asked to come here? I got dragged here by Hinata and then abandoned, in case you weren’t paying attention earlier. Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?”

God, he doesn’t know what the hell it is that makes him gun for an argument like this with Kindaichi every single time. Perhaps it’s the long years they’ve known each other. Or because he was the only one ever brave enough to stand up to him. He’s always been the easy, immediate target for Kageyama’s anger.

Kindaichi shakes his head and grimaces, “God, you’re such a prick, you know that?” he says incredulously, “I don’t know, I had this feeling that you’d be different now… that team of yours seems to worship you and you seemed more chilled out before, but kingly habits die hard I suppose.”

That phrase, those words. Just a few months ago they would have stripped him bare and made him useless in his inadequacy and anger. But with the memory of Hinata’s hands on his head as he’d crowned him and his cheeky, wicked eyes challenging him to accept his new title, he feels nothing other than powerful. Not even Toru Oikawa himself could take that power from him now. 

But yes, Kindaichi is right. Old habits _do_ die hard, especially when it comes to Kageyama feeling disgruntled. He can’t help the brief and fleeting moment of annoyance that surges through him that Kindaichi tried to go there. 

“That’s not going to work anymore Kindaichi,” he says with _far_ more confidence than he’s feeling. He’s always thought the term _fake it till you make it_ was utterly ridiculous, but he supposes it’s not the first time he’s been wrong. Hell, it’s not the first time he’s been wrong _today_ , even. “I’ve put all that behind me.” that’s _also_ a lie, but he sounds pretty convincing to his own ears. “My team wants me how I am.” His voice shakes, but he’s shocked to realise that he at least means that part. 

He might still clench his jaw whenever he sends a set to someone that _isn’t_ Hinata for fear that all he’ll hear is a dull thud rather than the slap of a hand. He’s never proud of that slight mistrust after all the times they’ve trusted him - a then-first year - to lead them. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not aware of how far the twelve of them had come despite Kageyama’s baggage that he dragged with him to Karasuno.

“With your tyrant crown and everything?” Kindaichi almost jeers. 

“Especially with the crown,” He says, no tremor in his voice now, “and it’s not just mine anymore. The crown belongs to all of us and you guys don’t get to hold it over me anymore.”

He’s not proud of many things, but he’s proud of the look that he puts on Kindaichi’s face by saying that. Whatever he was planning to say clearly escapes him as his eyes go slightly wide and his posture relaxes. Kageyama instantly regards him as less aggressive, less confrontational. And in turn, that makes him relax and sit back in his chair. He didn’t even realise he was clutching the side of the table.

“Things have… things have really changed for you, huh?” Kindaichi says in a low voice. Kageyama isn’t used to being studied like this and it makes him fidgety to say the least. Fighting had been easier, but now he just feels uneasy all over again. “Why do you think it was never like that for us?” Kindaichi finally asks, gently creating a gap in their mutual silence. 

That’s... not the question Kageyama was expecting. In fact, he was half expecting the conversation to be over the way it always was when the two of them fought. He’s not particularly good with thinking on his feet verbally, so it takes him a moment to come up with any sort of reply, let alone a suitable reply to a question that someone - not him - could probably write a thesis over. 

“Maybe we were just never meant to be teammates,” is all he can come up with, but he thinks he may have hit the nail on the head.

“The two of us?”

“Any of us. I was… I was always the odd one out and we both know it. It’s not like that here. It’s… it’s completely different.” 

The words feel almost watery in his mouth, completely unnatural being directed at Kindaichi of all people. He looks away, feeling slightly exposed at the openness he just offered. But having been apart from him for so long now, Kageyama finally has the privilege of having at least the slightest bit of hindsight. 

While he’d been playing at Kitagawa First, he’d had no sense of perspective. Everything had been immediate and desperate, every missed hit was the end of the world, every blocked ball was a disaster. He’d done nothing but blame them for all of it. Had let the rivalry between him and Oikawa bleed into every aspect of his play style. Had sat on the sidelines and watched the other boys bond and joke with one another when all he’d felt was a sea of missed opportunities and how they could have done better in that particular game. He’d missed out on a lot more opportunities than that; ones he’d never even known about until he’d come to Karasuno and felt real companionship.

“Don’t tell me you’ve actually tried smiling at them, have you? I saw one of your smiles once. Nearly gave me nightmares.” This makes Kageyama look back at him and he silently marvels at the almost fond look on Kindaichi’s face. He wonders if Kindaichi and Hinata should start a fan club dedicated to making fun of Kageyama’s smile. They’d be the only people in attendance because the pair of them, Kageyama decides, are as stupid as each other.

“My point is,” Kageyama continues, biting back the tiniest hint of a grin, “is that just because we both loved volleyball, that doesn’t mean we were meant to play together.”

But perhaps there was something else out there for them. Something other than playing volleyball together. Something less aggressive and ripe for arguments. Perhaps without competition getting in the way, friendship isn’t the furthest thing from possibility that the two of them could manage. The grass had been green on this side once. He barely remembers it, but he knows it was there. Perhaps it _could_ be green again.

“I guess I can see what you mean, especially about the whole team dynamic thing,” Kindaichi concedes. “Listen, I know you and Oikawa always had this… whatever… but damn, he was an amazing captain. For us, I mean.”

Kageyama’s least favourite combination of words are usually ones that involve some sort of praise directed at Oikawa, but even he has to admit that the guy is a chameleon in ways that Kageyama might never be. He knows how much Seijoh benefited from having him as their captain. He wants to be the same for Karasuno one day. 

Instead of retorting with sarcasm, he attempts a gentle, “I’m happy for you.”

“Don’t look too constipated when you say that,” Kindaichi smirks, but he doesn’t seem mad about it, so Kageyama thinks their argument is probably over. He does have a habit of uncovering ants nests wherever he goes though, so he’s always on guard; just in case.

“This is genuinely my face this time…” He even makes an effort to check for any tensed muscles just to prove his point. Dammit, maybe he had been frowning… old habits do die hard.

“Like hell it is. I’ve seen your _real_ compliment face, and trust me you don’t forget that miracle in a hurry. In fact, I remember the first time you gave one, actually.”

“You do?”

“Yep, it was during one of the first practice sessions we had when we joined the team. Oikawa was only a third year then but when you saw him set for the very first time, you ran up to him and told him how cool it was.”

“I definitely don’t remember that.” He _sort_ of does, though it’s blended into a montage of many other unpleasant Oikawa-related memories in his head that make his ears feel like they have permanent sirens living in them. 

“Probably for the best,” Kindahci tries to hide his obvious laughter. “I think he stuck his tongue out at you and Iwaizumi had to step in as usual. I guess some things never really change.”

That thought _does_ get Kageyama to break into a half-laugh. “I can’t even imagine how he’s dealing with him now they’re in college,” he says.

“Their coach should give out free earplugs to the players for whenever they start fighting.”

“Idiot, they’d never get to take them out.”

They both laugh. And it’s a sound neither of them has heard in years. It’s far too fragile. And he makes a mental note to thank Hinata when he sees him. To squeeze him and call him a genius, because even if they never speak again after this, Kageyama already feels like he weighs nothing at all. 

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Kindaichi tells him once they’ve graciously moved on from Oikawa. “That you’re still the same king you used to be, that was… that was uncalled for.”

“I’m sorry too,” Kageyama replies. He’s found he’s getting much better at saying those words in the last year. “Not just for what I said. But you know… for the tosses and the shouting and… I don’t know all the other stuff…” Okay, perhaps he’s not great at _all_ the words, but something is better than nothing. 

“You know I think that’s the first time you’ve ever apologised to me,” Kindaichi points out, and for once, it doesn’t set Kageyama’s nerves on edge. He actually sounds genuine. “You… you have changed you know… I can’t tell how, because you’re still as annoying as you were before in _so_ many ways…” well, there go his nerves again, along with the wrinkle-inducing frowning, “but something is better. I already saw it at that first game we played against each other last year, but I guess you’re right, those crows really are a good fit for you. I’m sorry the twelve of us were never like that.”

He takes that second to picture it then. The twelve of them at Kitagawa First in the same way that Karasuno are right now, the way they were when their third years were still on the team. It feels like a different planet or timeline, and he doesn’t think he would have ended up at Seijoh anyway, but it makes his heartache with the potential of what might have been. How that warm human interaction might have made things so much easier for him at Karasuno. How maybe it wouldn’t have taken him over a year to recognise his feelings for what he and Hinata were because he would have had people who knew him to slap some sense into him. 

And perhaps everything would have panned out the way it already did. Maybe that’s the way it was meant to happen. But the idea of a solid platonic foundation of people he’s _genuinely_ close to - something he still can’t seem to manage to find even after a year in high school - is something he’s suddenly hungry and thirsty for in a way he’d never been as a child. To just have that one connection, that one person he could tell so it wouldn’t weigh on him or threaten to ruin what he has with Hinata. 

He looks down at his lap and remembers how Hinata had arranged this meeting. How he’d been so insistent that Kageyama trust him and go with him. How badly he wanted Kageyama to have someone to reach out to. Just the one person, he’d said. It almost feels like the perfect solution; too perfect, even. Like Hinata _planned_ this.

If he tells Kindaichi, then nothing technically has to change. They won’t see each other every day at practice, he won’t give them funny looks when Hinata touches Kageyama’s arm. It would be _something_. It would be a start.

He remembers Kindaichi and himself and the long years they’d spent in middle school together being boyish and carefree, before _Tobio_ had started to grow decidedly into _Kageyama_. He reminds himself, yet again, that the grass _used_ to be green for them once. It could be again, if he’s brave enough to let it grow.

“One in particular was good for me,” he plants the seed, “one crow in particular.” 

“Hmm?” Kindaichi asks.

Kageyama takes a deep breath and plants the second seed with shaking, uneven breaths.

“You see...” and he almost backs out. He almost slams his money down and runs away because he’s a coward. But somehow, from some dark recess, he finds the strength to stay and fight against his own instincts. 

“For the past couple of months. Me and Hinata. We’ve… we’ve been seeing each other. As in dating. As in being together. In a non-friend kind of way.” Every word comes out disjointed and wrong, but he doesn’t think he’s capable of forming full sentences. He’s not even capable of looking Kindaichi in the eye. Every single muscle in his body is tense and was this really supposed to make him feel _better_? He wants to be sick.

“Wow,” he hears from across the table after a couple of seconds. It comes out softer than Kageyama expected, but he still can’t bring himself to look up. “Things really _have_ changed for you, haven’t they?” 

When Kageyama looks up at that, he expects to see judgement, or maybe disgust, or some sort of discomfort, but to his surprise, Kindaichi looks like he’s _almost_ smiling.

“Hey, don’t look so weird, honestly I’m kind of relieved.” _That_ certainly gets Kageyama’s attention. He must have looked puzzled, because without asking for clarification, Kindaichi continues in a casual, slightly humorous tone, “well, it’s nice to see there’s a human under there, not just a robot. Whenever the rest of us would talk about girls, you always just sat quietly like we weren’t even there. Actually, when we were a bit older, Kunimi once asked me if I thought you were into guys, but I never saw you perving on us, so we just assumed you weren’t really into anything but volleyball.”

Kageyama really doesn’t know _what_ part of that sentence to latch onto and be more annoyed at, but he settles on, “perving... who do you think I am?”

Kindaichi promptly ignores his outrage and has the audacity to smile on top of everything else, “I guess we should have just figured out that it was tiny redheads you were into.” 

The truth is, Kageyama doesn’t know _what_ he’s into. He knows he’s very much into Hinata, that Hinata frustrates and delights him in equal parts these days, though the ratio certainly favoured the frustration more than the delight once upon a time. But there’s still so much he doesn’t understand. Romance is still something new in his life, that he’s not had a chance to properly catalogue it in the appropriate place relating to his understanding of the world. But Kindaichi doesn’t seem phased and Hinata doesn’t seem phased. Suga _also_ didn’t seem phased and Kageyama starts to wonder if he’s the only one that feels this way. 

“Are you okay?” Kindaichi asks. Kageyama doesn’t know what he was expecting. But this casual, almost nonchalant way that they’re talking about it. About something that has seemed _so big_ for so many weeks. It startles him and knocks him off balance. 

“You’re the first person I’ve told…” he admits in a quiet voice. So quiet he thinks Kindaichi doesn’t hear him at first. 

“Shit man, that’s… well, I mean…” 

Kindaichi looks rather stunned and the gravity of all of it threatens to overwhelm Kageyama at any second. His senses are being hit from all angles and he just doesn’t know how he feels and he hates it. He should feel relief but he’s so tense that he doesn’t think relief is possible right now. If this is what it will be like for every new person, he’s not sure he has the tools for this. He knows the tears want to come and he clings onto every ounce of control he still has over his own body to stop them. 

“Just to be clear… you _have_ told Hinata, right?” 

He’s missed a step. He must have missed something. Kindaichi did understand what he was telling him right? And that's when Kageyama notices his face has gone from concern to barely contained laughter.

“Kindaichi, I swear to god…” And Kindaichi finally lets out the laugh he’s been holding.

“Sorry, dude, it just looked like you were about to cry there and I thought it might break the tension.” 

Break the tension it certainly does, but it doesn’t do much to quell Kageyama’s discomfort. He still feels the overwhelming need to get out. 

“God, this is awkward,” he mutters and starts to regret ever listening to Hinata in the first place.

“Hey, no, god, sorry, I shouldn't have tried to be funny,” Kindiachi says, and he does actually look pensive. “Honestly, though, thanks. For telling me, that’s um… that’s a lot.”

Kageyama spares a passing thought for the fact that the two of them are collectively _terrible_ at this talking thing. 

“Hinata’s… better at this stuff than me…” Kageyama admits. If Hinata were here, this would have all gone so much better. “But then again, he’s a complete dumbass, so of course it’s easier for him.”

“Takes one to know one, Kageyama. You really trying to score points with him in that area?” 

Kageyama scowls the appropriate amount for that sort of comment, but says nothing. There’s another slightly awkward silence - the kind you experience when the conversation is nearly at an end but not quite, and neither of you knows where to steer it - before Kindaichi speaks.

“You know, we trained together at Shiratorizawa a few months ago? Me and Hinata? Well, I say _trained_ , he mostly just collected balls off the ground, but still…” Kageyama had forgotten about that. They’d spoken briefly about their respective training sessions, but nationals prep had been so immediate for both of them, that Kageyama had forgotten that of course Hinata had hung out with the boys from the neighbouring schools. 

“Whenever he got a chance to talk about you, he did. You were one of his favourite topics and he tried comparing all the players to you.” Kageyama blinks slowly. It seems like a lifetime ago that they were still dancing around each other so oblivious, but it was mere months. 

“If you ask me, you got pretty lucky. Because that dude looked like he worshipped you. So whatever’s bothering you, and I can _tell_ something is… just let it go, alright?”

He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Kageyama doesn’t know how to let things go. Instead, they’re prized from him with impressive force, usually at the last minute. He doesn't know how to do it any other way. But perhaps this conversation is the first step to learning how.

“Crap, I should get going, I need to be at practice this afternoon,” Kindiachi says, and starts rummaging around for some money.

“You guys practice on a Sunday now?” 

“Only close to tournament time. How else are we gonna kick your asses next week?”

This is good, this is familiar. This sort of pleasant rival banter. This, Kageyama can deal with.

“Keep dreaming, we’ll crush you at prelims,” he says and definitely means it. 

Kindaichi laughs and together they get up and pay for their drinks, before making their way to the front of the cafe. Kageyama squints a little as the sun hits his eyes and it’s noticeably warmer than it had been when he’d gotten there. Had they really been talking that long?

They stand there awkwardly for a moment, both of them trying to figure out if they’re heading in the same direction or if they should just bow to each other here and leave. Or maybe they should fist bump? He really hadn’t thought this far ahead. Kindaichi is _clearly_ stalling. He makes a move to walk away, and then suddenly turns back around.

“Listen, Kageyama…” he says. “You know it’s all fine, right? All of it, it’s... It’s all okay.”

It’s like the final puzzle piece that’s been missing from this entire horrible ordeal. For all of Kindaichi’s jokes about him being a robot and for all the times he’s told himself that he’s a well-oiled machine. It turns out that underneath it all he’s just like everybody else. That all he’d wanted was to be told _it’s going to be okay_. 

The cage around his lungs unlocks and for the first time in weeks, he finally feels relief. 

“Thank you,” he breathes. 

Kindaichi smiles the most genuine smile he’s seen on him all morning and makes to walk off, but not before he adds, “message me sometime, yeah? Don’t be a stranger.”

“Sure.”

* * *

He’s in his normal clothes, but he absolutely cannot function with how much pent up energy he has inside of him and so he goes for a jog even though it’s far too warm out and he’s not really wearing proper running shoes. 

He runs around the block for about fifteen minutes before making a detour to go and pick up Hinata where he said he was meeting his middle school friends. He thinks he remembers the park that Hinata is talking about. 

He finds them playing what looks like soccer, but with the way Hinata is flailing around it could be any sort of ball game really. He stands on the sidelines and watches and can’t help the delighted flutter he gets when Hinata scores a goal and runs around the field with his shirt half lifted over his head. He really is the silliest human Kageyama knows. He watches for as reasonable a time as he can before he thinks it might start to look creepy to passers by, and finally walks onto the field.

When Hinata lays eyes on him, he squeals Kageyama’s name before running over to him with his hair sticking up at weird angles and his cheeks pink. He wraps his arms around Kageyama’s middle and tenses a little.

“You’re all sweaty,” he murmurs.

“I went for a jog,” he mumbles back. He doesn’t know if it’s the sun or the jog, or the conversation with Kindaichi or just Hinata’s calming presence, but he gently wraps an arm around Hinata’s back, which is also slightly damp.

“You’re not much better,” he points out. Hinata looks up at him and looks far too pleased with himself.

“I never said I didn’t like it,” he giggles and Kageyama flushes. 

“Shut up,” he says. He notices Kouji and Izumi breaking off from the rest of the group and running over and Kageyama desperately wants some privacy with Hinata. To hug him and thank him and praise him till the sun goes down. 

Baby steps, he thinks. The whole point of today, of Hinata leading him straight to Kindaichi, was so they could take these baby steps together. Hinata had already made the first move. Had known what Kageyama needed and trusted him to do the right thing and tell the truth. It’s his turn to return the favour.

It’s not much, but as Hinata’s two friends run over to where he and Kageyama are standing, Kageyama moves his hand from Hinata’s back to the back of his head and brings it ever so gently to his lips. It’s just a forehead kiss, not too different from the one he’d seen Daichi give Sugawara all those months ago. But it's a purposeful gesture. It’s a gesture that tells anyone that happens to be watching that Hinata is most definitely not his friend. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be comfortable with PDA as a rule, but for the sake of this moment, it’s the most effective way to get his message across. 

Hinata looks up at him starry-eyed and elated and just for that second, Kageyama forgets that he’s nervous. He wants Hinata to feel like this every moment that they’re together. He brings his head slightly closer and whispers, “thank you so much.”

Hinata holds onto him tighter and wiggles happily. “First one down?” he murmurs. 

“Yeah,” Kageyama replies and squeezes him right back. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Izumi and Kouji watching them with suspicion and confusion and Kageyama feels his nerves return instantly. Hinata definitely feels it with how closely they’re pressed together and whispers, “wanna go for two more?”

He’s done it once, he can’t do it again… it feels too much for one day. “I don’t know…” he whispers. 

“You want me to do it?” Hinata asks. Kageyama nods shyly, because that seems fair. They can do one each. Although now that he thinks about it, Hinata will have two people and he’ll have one which means Hinata is technically winning, but before he can say that, Hinata is already speaking.

“Oh hey you two!” he says, never once letting go of Kageyama’s waist. Kageyama also stays stubbornly still because he’s almost sure he’ll topple over if he lets go. “Kageyama is my boyfriend now!”

Kageyama closes his eyes and counts to ten but it’s too late. “Hinata you dumbass!” He shouts at him, “seriously, _that’s_ how you’re going to do it?!”

They argue for about 30 more seconds and throw around words like _tact_ and _subtlety_ until Kouji coughs to get their attention. 

“Are you guys being serious or is this just some practical joke?” He asks.

“Serious as a serve to the back of the head!” Hinata proclaims happily. 

“Sometimes just as painful,” Kageymama tacks on.

The two of them look suitably shocked by the new development and just blink at them for long enough that Kageyama feels antsy.

“Well you kept that quiet, Shouyou,” Izumi finally says with a laugh, and Kageyama exhales.

“Quiet?” Kageyama asks, “that doesn’t sound much like you.”

“Oh shut up, Crappy-yama!” And Kageyama lets out a laugh along with the other two. 

“You should have joined us earlier, Kageyama,” Kouji says. 

“I um… I had errands…” he mumbles awkwardly because that’s a far cry from all the other interactions the two of them have had up till this point. Kouji spins the soccer ball round on his pointer finger and smirks. 

“How about now?”

He’s actually inviting him to play with them. Perhaps he’s reading too much into it, but Kageyama wonders if this is Kouji’s non verbal way of telling Kageyama _it’s okay, you can date my friend._

“Yeah, we should play on opposite teams!” Hinata decides, “I won lots of games!” he declares proudly.

“Sure you did,” Kageyama smirks. “Did they let you win?”

“They did not!” Hinata says at the same time as Kouji and Izumi say, “Yeah we did.”

Hinata makes a choked noise as he scrunches his nose at his friends adorably. “You think you can do better?” he challenges. Kageyama raises his eyebrows in amusement. Oh, it’s on. 

Kageyama has never played soccer in his life, but he vaguely knows the rules and predictably, within minutes, he’s running circles around the rest of them. It’s mostly a street game anyway but he and Hinata lock onto each other like lions and by the time they’re finished, and Kageyama has suitably demolished Hinata’s team, they’re all breathless and flushed and Kageyama is smiling from ear to ear. 

“Great to see you Shou!” Izumi says as they prepare to part ways. “You too Kageyama.” 

“Yeah, good to see you,” Kouji agrees. “You got some skill, be careful the soccer team doesn’t try to poach you.” 

Kageyama smiles and bumps Kouji’s fist awkwardly where it’s waiting for him, still expecting to be scolded for something. 

Hinata yawns and stretches the second they start to walk back to the station and complains bitterly about how his calves ache. It takes about four seconds of high pitched pleading and wide puppy dog eyes before Kageyama concedes to carrying Hinata on his back the rest of the way. He’s about sixty per cent sure that it’s mostly an excuse for Hinata to be close to him, but he’s happy to play along this once. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers and smushes his cheek against Kageyama’s hair just for a moment to get his point across. 

Kageyama doesn’t have the vocabulary to express what that does or means to him, but it makes him stupidly bold and brave. “After the prelims,” he says, “let’s tell the team.”

Hinata shifts behind him and keens. “How should we do it?” He squeaks.

“Together,” Kageyama says without hesitation. It’s the way he wants them to face all their challenges from now on. 

“I think that’s the _best_ way,” Hinata agrees. “You really are amazing, Kagegama.” His voice breaks a little on the second last syllable of his name and then breaks into the tiny little yawn. Kageyama flushes for the second time that morning. 

“Can I take a nap here?” Hinata asks. 

“If you want me to drop you, sure.” 

Hinata just smiles and kisses the back of his head as ‘punishment’. 

* * *

Their plan to tell everyone after prelims also fails. 

On the bus back from Sendai after their first round of matches, most of the guys predictably fall asleep, almost in the exact positions they sat down in. He and Hinata take the back row as usual, with Noya and Tanaka snoring right beside them on the other end of the bench. 

He knows that they fell asleep at some point, though he definitely doesn’t remember when or in what position. He feels calm after their wins and he’s so comfortable he could purr. As he slowly regains consciousness from the rocking of the bus, he realises that the contentment might have something to do with the fact that during his sleep, Hinata has somehow abandoned his own chair and gone from using Kageyama’s shoulder as a pillow to using his … _everything_ as a pillow. 

In the position he’s in, it almost looks like he’d attempted to climb into Kageyama’s lap and given up halfway through. The result is an adorable heap of snoring and drooling Hinata with his lap perched over Kageyama’s one knee - the one that was closest to him - and his face pressed awkwardly onto Kageyama’s shoulder. One leg is up on the seat and bent at the knee, while the other has given up the fight and hangs down uselessly. 

Kageyama thinks he finally understands what people mean when they use the word _boneless._

He feels himself tense up through force of habit, but they had technically agreed to tell the team anyway and they’re all asleep so he doesn’t think there’s any harm in letting Hinata sleep. It’s only a matter of days before they tell them.

Except just as he’s about to fall back into dreams of volleyballs and Olympics, he hears Tsukishima’s voice from a couple of rows in front, murmur, “Looks like the princeling has had enough. Not a particularly regal position for the royal couple is it?”

The _only_ thing that stops Kageyama from sitting up like a bolt of lightning is that he has a snoozing bundle of Hinata in his lap and his instincts to let him sleep manage to overpower his flight response. Though with how hard his heart is beating, he’s surprised Hinata hasn’t already woken up.

It takes him a few seconds to process what Tsukki has said before his mouth finally spouts without his permission, “You guys _knew?!”_

There’s a giant commotion, during which the entire bus wakes up. Everyone that is, apart from Hinata and Noya and it actually concerns Kageyama that they might not survive an earthquake if it came to that. 

It takes Tanaka waking up and telling them all to calm down before he has to get up to deal with them himself, before things settle down. Kageyama still panics. 

He starts pouring over the last two months, over when this could have happened, over how everything he thought he knew wasn’t true. He starts breathing heavy and hears Tanaka murmur, “Hey hey calm down dude, it’s okay.”

“How the hell did this happen?!” He hisses, finally mindful of his volume. 

“Wait, you mean you guys thought we didn’t know?” he asks, “Crap, we thought you guys were just keeping yourselves to yourselves?” 

“What- how did you guys even find out?” He demands. He needs some answers or he will quite literally levitate off his chair with how much stress his body is experiencing.

Tanaka lowers his voice some more, also mindful of Noya snoring on his shoulder. “Well, it was actually Noya who found out first. Apparently he saw you guys being lovey-dovey during the theme park trip or something and figured it out. He kept it to himself for ages but then some of the first years started gossiping when they saw you guys being handsy with each other during practice and he started going round to everyone and threatening to blow them up with air and use them as a practice ball if they didn’t stop talking about it.”

Kageyama feels his head spinning. They’d thought they’d been so careful at the theme park too. They’d been found out even back _then_?

“Why would he do that?” Kageyama asks.

Tanaka smiles and gives sleeping Noya a fond side eye. “I know Noya seems like a delinquent… okay, no he absolutely _is_ one. But he does have a side to him that people don’t get to see very often. I think he was trying to look out for you guys.” 

Kageyama still feels and _looks_ perplexed by the whole situation, so Tanaka shifts just a little closer, even though it’s hard with the way he’s positioned. 

“Honestly?” he says, “when Noya and Asahi started going out, I know it was really hard for them. _I_ knew about it because I’m his best friend, but I think Asahi was super scared in the beginning to let anyone know. You know how he’s a really anxious guy, right?” Kageyama nods. “Well, I think Noya sort of… I don’t know, he sorta calmed him, which I know doesn’t make sense. But he’s been there you know? He’s had that experience, so maybe he saw you two and how _badly_ you were trying to hide it and figured you could use the privacy.”

“Is that what he said to you?”

“In his own way. I think his exact words were something like _those baby crows need protecting and I’m gonna be the one to do it_!”

Kageyama peers at Noya, with his mouth wide open, snoring like a tractor and about a head shorter than everyone else on the bus, completely oblivious to the conversation happening next to him. He feels helpless in his gratitude. 

“And you guys… you didn’t care?”

Tanaka’s eyes widen comically and he knows that if they weren’t in a quiet environment he would let out one of his belly laughs. “ _That’s_ what was worrying you?” And Kageyama all of a sudden feels a little sheepish.

“Dude, in case you weren’t aware, you and Hinata have been fighting like a married couple since the day you first barrelled into the gym. _Trust_ me, no one cares that you’re dating, especially if you’re still playing as good as before. If you want my opinion, I’m just grateful you’ve finally gotten your acts together. Dealing with Noya and Asahi dancing around each other was a world of pain already.” He tilts his head back and grimaces as if to really hammer home just how unbearable that experience was. 

Kageyama waits for the panic to set in, but there’s none. He waits for the awkwardness, but there’s none. Weeks and months of worrying and it had all been for nothing. All this time he’d wondered how he would cope with the change in their group dynamic and the answer had been in front of him the entire time. Nothing. Nothing will change. It will always stay this way. They’ll play and they’ll fight and they’ll lose and they’ll laugh and they’ll cry just like they did before. He feels that surety the same way as he feels his sets to Hinata and he could burst with the relief that floods through him. 

“Will you…” Kageyama starts. “Will you thank him at some point? For me?” 

Tanaka smirks and says, “You can thank him yourself any time you want. He’ll worship you for it actually.” 

Noya lets out another obnoxiously loud snore which makes them both laugh. Kageyama still looks and feels fidgety though under the kindness that he’s been shown by his teammates. 

Eventually, Tanaka smiles and says to him, “You’re alright Kageyama. Just try to relax a little, yeah?” He reaches over and gives Kageyama a little tap on the arm. “Listen, we should work out together sometime,” Tanaka says. “You probably have a kick-ass routine, I’ll bet. You can teach me a thing or two.”

He says it so casually. And like he actually means it. Like he wants to spend time with Kageyama. _Willingly_ , outside of practice. 

“Sure…” he says, a little uncertainly, just in case it's some sort of practical joke. 

“Wasuuuuahhh…” he hears Hinata sigh from where he’s still snoozing happily in his lap. His eyes flutter a little and he’s not completely in the throes of sleep anymore, but there’s no way he could be classified as fully human either. It makes Kageyama’s chest hurt to look at it. 

He wants to wake him, to tell him to good news, to let him say _I told you so_ at how stupid Kageyama was being. Instead, he hikes the one leg of Hinata’s that’s still dangling to the floor up a bit up so he’s fully in Kageyama’s lap and not in his previous uncomfortable position. He then scoots the rest of his body up slightly so Hinata can rest his head on his shoulder and not cause himself a neck strain. In his half-dozing state, Hinata just manages a _mmmmmm_ and goes even more pliant than before, a complete deadweight in Kageyama’s lap.

“Sleep,” he whispers, “I’ve got you.”

Hinata is already lightly snoring and doesn’t get to see Kageyama’s soft eyes or Tanaka’s smug smirk from the other side of the bench.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> This was a monster to get right, I hope all you Kageyama stans were pleased <3
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	3. Chapter 3

It’s incredible, Kageyama thinks, what a difference it makes to their relationship once his thoughts aren’t plagued with _as much_ stress and anxiety on a daily basis. When he can sleep and breathe and when catching Hinata’s eye across the gym no longer feels like he’s plummeting to the ground from a tall building. Well, okay it _does_ still feel that way sometimes, but it’s a lot less to do with his anxiety and more to do with Hinata being _Hinata._ And really, Kageyama needs to develop some sort of antibody against Hinata’s smiles because it’s frankly just embarrassing. 

Though as time has gone on, Kageyama is forced to admit that now his head isn’t always so occupied with hiding his relationship from his teammates, he has plenty of room for other things alongside volleyball. The plummeting feeling may be a lot more to do with how Hinata’s hair has started to get a little damp and curly around his ears towards the end of practice as the weather heats up. More to do with how he’s a little red after they’ve raced each other to the club room now that the mornings aren’t so chilly anymore. 

He’s started to notice…. _things_ about Hinata. Things that he’s never had the space to focus on or contemplate before. He’s sure it’s just his senses recalibrating now that he feels so much lighter on his feet, but it’s still a fairly unusual experience to be hyperfocusing on details he’s not used to.

Ever since that one very _memorable_ kiss that the two of them had shared a few days after their first date, (which neither had ever mentioned again), things have stayed pretty static, largely due to the mess Kageyama had made over his own head in the leadup to prelims. Off the court, static is a state of being Kageyama can handle perfectly fine. Though the pinker Hinata’s cheeks get when he jumps and the more his shirt sticks to him by the 45-minute mark, Kageyama isn’t sure that static is a state of being they’ll be in for much longer. It’s probably a matter of days before they end up having another one of those _talks_ again. The kind where Kageyama sits and mumbles and Hinata nods and encourages him with wide and loving eyes. He doesn’t need to see the future to know that it’ll be a whole new source of unrest for them and for now, he does what he does best; ignore it until he absolutely _has_ to address it.

But the fact that his eyes are even training themselves to look for those details on Hinata now, tells him more than he needs to know about how familiar they’re becoming to one another at an alarming rate. It’s not just that Kageyama notices that Hinata is sweaty. He knows _how_ sweaty he gets and how long it’ll take him to get there once they start playing. He notices how many bites it takes for Hinata to finish his rice ball during lunch. He knows that on the second bite he’ll always cough because he’s an idiot who goes too fast too soon. He doesn’t know _all_ his smiles yet, but an impressive portion of them. He knows his freckles and his nose and the uneven flick of hair on his right side. 

He has no prior experience to back it up, but he’s almost sure that it’s things like that which start warranting words such as _couple_ as opposed to words such as _dating._ He has to use those special breathing techniques Hinata told him about to deal with that realisation when it hits him.

He’s almost certain that Hinata has been noticing things about him as well. And Kageyama really has no right to call himself a strategist for missing all of the signs, because in the two and a half months they’ve been dating, it has somehow completely slipped under Kageyama’s radar that Hinata has been evaluating him, cataloguing him and _scoring points_.

He’s not sure how it slipped his notice really. Even in the midst of a stressful couple of months, now that he can see the signs, he has no idea how it didn’t scream at him before. Both he and Hinata share many common languages. It’s why, despite their many failures, this has worked for them for as long as it has. Even when they can’t talk, they always know how to _talk_. And competition is just one of the ways in which they’ve formed words between one another for over a year.

It takes him an embarrassingly long time to figure out what exactly Hinata has been trying to compete against him for, but eventually, it all clicks into place. 

A week after their successful trip to prelims, the third years decide to treat the team to a much needed trip to the beach. Kageyama is actually grateful for the gesture, especially since it means he can almost treat this as a do-over of his and Hinata’s first date. 

Now that the team knows about them, there’s nothing left for him to worry about and on the train ride over and he doesn’t even think to flinch when Hinata leans into him to sit that little bit closer. He doesn’t feel that sting of panic when Hinata wraps his tiny arms around one of his own as they walk towards the beach. It had surprised him that Hinata, for all his excitement and cuteness over being _together_ , didn’t seem to be very fussed about hand holding. Another detail to add to his Hinata knowledge.

Kageyama thinks it may have something to do with the fact that Hinata was birthed and raised to be a human limpet and something as delicate as hand holding is nowhere near close enough for him. He has to be plastered against Kageyama’s side like one of those god awful decals on his laptop, or it’s just not good enough. The other part of him - the one that recalls the times that Hinata _has_ taken his hand in private when he’s been scared or lonely or when they’ve been seconds away from falling asleep on Kageyama’s couch, his floor, his bed, after a hard day’s training - thinks - _hopes_ \- that even someone as open and raw in his emotions as Hinata likes to save _something_ special for when they’re wrapped in their own private universe. That he might want that to stay sacred just for them. It’s probably all in his head, but he can hope. 

He doesn’t panic when Hinata grabs him by the wrist to run in the direction of a group of scraping seagulls. It doesn’t bother him when, in the middle of a spontaneous game of beach volleyball, Hinata jumps on his back when they win the set point and gives him an over the top peck on the side of his damp hair. In fact, if he pretends he doesn’t see Noya’s smirking face and Tsukishima’s disapproving look, he might actually admit how warm and content it makes him feel.

He doesn’t squirm uncomfortably when Hinata brushes his hand as they share a portion of curry buns, and in a very unlike-Kageyama display of normal human behaviour, he goes quiet and jittery in all the best ways when Hinata _insists_ to buy him an ice cream cone. 

He buys a strawberry ice cream for Kageyama and a popsicle for himself, which he eats in about three impressive bites - really, he’s been hanging around Nishinoya a little too much, or he just needs to learn the meaning of the word _restraint_. Kageyama enjoys his ice cream in peace until Hinata asks if he can have some of his. All it takes is one well-placed glare in Hinata’s direction to shut down that line of thinking, but instead of sulking like he expects him to, Hinata just starts giggling.

“What is it?” Kageyama asks.

“Clumsy-yama,” Hinata giggles from behind his hand. “Your…” he makes a vague gesture to Kageyama’s face, so Kageyama reaches up to see what could possibly be so entertaining, which is when he feels and _smears_ the blop of strawberry ice cream at the corner of his mouth. Hinata looks like he would very much like to collapse into a pile of hysterics and Kageyama shoots him another one of his _looks_ that tells him just how much of a bad idea that would be. Hinata comes around to his way of thinking, because instead of laughing, he pulls his right sleeve up over his tiny hand and says, “here.”

“Don’t use your sleeve, dumbass!” Kageyama protests.

“Relax, it’ll wash out,” Hinata says, but concedes. “Do you have a tissue?” Kageyama shakes his head. He’d given Hinata his last tissue earlier after a seagull crapped on his hand. “Okay, here then,” Hinata insists and makes a show of displaying his _non-sleeved_ hand to Kageyama, before wiping up most of the ice cream off his face at lightning speed. Before Kageyama can wonder where on earth he’s planning on putting that ice cream now that he’s transferred it from Kageyama’s face to his hand, he proceeds to _lick it off his fingers._ Perhaps in another context, he might have looked at the sight and burned hot like the water in an onsen at the sight. But it’s such a stupidly _Hinata_ gesture and he looks so silly while doing it, that all he can feel as he takes it all in is how woefully adorable Hinata looks. 

“Dumbass,” he mutters once Hinata finishes, “you know how unhygienic that is?”

“We’re _boyfriends_ , Kageyama, those rules don’t _count_ ,” Hinata’s logic supplies. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not remotely how it works.”

“Of course it does, how do you explain kissing then?” Hinata demands, and to be fair, Kageyama doesn’t really have an answer for that so he just does the next best thing and grunts. “Nevermind,” Hinata continues, “hold still, you still have-” he goes to wipe it with his sleeve on instinct and Kageyama blurts out - _sleeve Hinata!_ \- before Hinata rolls his eyes and sighs “oh just come here, stupid.”

He comes up on his tiptoes, and before Kageyama has a chance to calibrate what’s about to happen to him, Hinata grabs the back of his head and brings his open mouth to the side of Kageyama’s chin where he kisses the remainder of the offending ice cream off his face. 

It’s somewhere halfway between a kiss and a prolonged lick really, and it’s so _silly_ , but at the same time it’s so familiar, so comfortable, that it makes Kageyama feel as powerful as though he could win the Olympics. It’s once again brought to his attention just how very much _together_ they are and how drastically things have changed for them already. 

He has a tiny adorable boyfriend - even if he still can’t find it in himself to call him that out loud - who is happy to lick his face clean of ice cream and not even a month ago did he think that something like that could put very dangerous thoughts in his head. Thoughts of life after graduation. Of long hours of bickering over who gets which side of the college dorm room. Of burnt toast first thing in the morning before practice. Of scrimping and saving for somewhere to live. Of a cat. Of a dog. There’ll be fights about it, he’s sure. Of chipped mugs and moldy ceilings. They’re all tiny, fleeing, insignificant thoughts and the further into the future he goes, the more abstract they feel. They’re more than a little terrifying in the way they take on a life of their own. They feel strikingly like _normality_. Like what he always assumed was completely out of his grasp for his future before Hinata. So, so many things were out of his grasp before Hinata. 

Hinata looks charmingly pleased with himself when he comes back down to his usual level and that shuts down those dangerous lines of thinking nice and quick. Kageyama’s heart splinters and dances at the sight of him. “Thanks for letting me have some of yours,” Hinata says proudly and Kageyama smiles effortlessly. 

“I see how it is, so it wasn't for my benefit at all?” 

“I like to think there was a 50/50 input.”

“I feel like it was definitely more 60/40 in your favour.”

Hinata scrunches up his nose, “I don’t _think_ so!”

This could go on for a while, Kageyama thinks, and so in order to call a truce, he asks, “okay, how about, seeing as this is my first time being at the beach, I get to win this one? You have the next one.”

“Silly-yama, it’s my first time with you here too!”

“It’s my first time at the beach _at all_ you moron.”

And that _completely_ changes the tone of the conversation because Hinata’s eyes go wide and golden. “Waaaaaaahhhh _really_?!”

Kageyama frowns, because really, that seems a bit of an exaggeration. “Yes, really.”

“But like… you’ve _never_ gone to the beach? With your mom or with your friends?” Kageyama blushes and looks to the side, because he’s not about to repeat out loud that he really had no friends to go to the beach _with_ until recently.

“Sorry, I just… wow! So um…” Hinata starts to fidget and visibly transfer the weight from one foot to the other. He’s definitely up to something. “So am I the first person you’ve… you know… come here with?”

“I mean, you and the entire team, idiot.”

“You know what I _mean_ , silly! Like… you spent most of your time with _me_ , so it counts that we were at the beach _together_ right? That I took you here?”

Part of the fun of this whole dating thing, he thinks, is that even though there are so many things he’s learnt about Hinata - and he does love to learn and hyperfocus on things - there are many things that are important to Hinata that Kageyama doesn’t quite understand just yet. But that’s fine. He has more than enough time to discover them all. He supposes _this_ is just one of those quirks. 

“Uh… sure,” Kageyama replies with a slight laugh and Hinata makes a face that can only be described as cunning. He then makes a displeased one and announces, “my hands feel sticky.” 

Kageyama can’t help but roll his eyes. “Come on, ginger,” he sighs, “let’s get cleaned up and meet up at the checkpoint.” 

Really, he should have noticed what was going on by Hinata’s shifty behaviour, but shamefully, it’s not until they’re back on the train and Hinata is gazing longingly out of the window whilst plastered against Kageyama’s side, mumbling something about “first time at the beach…” that it really clicks for him. 

He recalls Hinata’s wide-eyed glee right after their first kiss, the time that he’d bought Kageyama a type of ramen he’d never had before (he’s a creature of habit, okay?), the now-infamous roller coaster incident, all the clips and videos that he has saved on his YouTube because he knows Kageyama has never seen them before.

He’s _almost_ sure that Hinata, the cheeky bastard, is tallying up all the things he’s _introduced_ Kageyama to. At that precise moment, he tries very _very_ hard to decide how he feels about that. On the one hand, he has a warm red-headed boyfriend next to him who he very much would like to remain next to him for as long as possible. On the other hand, he’s now aware that he’s being used as some sort of… social experiment and that Hinata is trying to win some sort of game that he’s not been a part of. He’s the human equivalent of a lab rat and that immediately gives him one of those brow creases that Hinata always scolds him for. 

Just when he thinks throwing Hinata out of the train window will suffice, he feels Hinata shift against him and notices that in the time it’s taken him to contemplate his existence, Hinata has fallen asleep and is now drooling on his shoulder. It should be gross. It should not protect Hinata from his throwing-out-the-window fate. Kageyama grits his teeth and growls at the knowledge that he’s not got it in him to so much as _wake_ Hinata, let alone do anything to him. Next time. He’ll have it out with him and his messed up science experiments. Next time. 

* * *

_Next time_ doesn’t really come, however, seeing as every time Kageyama thinks it’s the perfect opportunity to rip Hinata’s head off, Hinata manages to find a way to make it very hard for him to want to do so. In other words, he either does something aggressively adorable - such as sneeze from the bubbles in his soda going up his nose - or something aggressively … something else. The _something else_ usually involving the whole _shirt riding up in the middle of practice_ situation. 

The tenth time he tries to bring it up, they’re watching a movie. Well _attempting_ a movie, which is always difficult for them because it’s hard for them to find movies that hold their attention spans for longer than short bursts at a time and they often digress to topics on game tactics and training routines and the movie gets paused about half a dozen times throughout the evening. 

They’re half-watching some birthday party scene - Hinata sitting in between the V of Kageyama’s legs, his back against Kageyama’s chest - when he blurts out “Oh! That reminds me!”

It nearly makes Kageyama’s ghost jump out of his body, but he plays it off as cool as he can when Hinata turns around to face him. “My mom wants to do my birthday party a week early this year because she has some work thing on my actual birthday and she wants to be there.”

Kageyama frowns. “Does she not trust you to just organise your own party while she’s away? Just tell her you’ll invite Daichi, then she’ll know for sure there’ll be no trouble.”

“Why would I want that?” Hinata asks with as much innocence as a human being is probably capable of. “I don’t want her to miss my birthday, I really like my mom.” 

Kageyama can’t imagine Hinata disliking anyone to be honest— he even liked _Kageyama_ of all people and that was before they even started dating - but even he thinks it’s an interesting idea for someone to want their parents at their own birthday.

“And anyway,” he continues, “it means that on my actual birthday, me and you can just do whatever we like. It’ll be like having _two_ birthdays,” he smiles. And that in turn makes Kageyama smile, and really, spending two birthdays with Hinata doesn’t sound so bad.

He forgets all about having it out with Hinata and settles back in to finishing the movie with him when all of a sudden, he goes still as a post - aggressively quickly and without notice. 

Hinata’s birthday. Hinata’s birthday party. _Hinata’s birthday_.

A year ago, he and Hinata had been fresh on the team and he barely remembers how they celebrated his birthday. He thinks they may have stopped by Ukai’s store and Daichi had treated them to some buns and Hinata had some sort of celebration with his family at home. That seemed like the most appropriate thing for what they’d meant to each other just 12 short months ago. 

Now, however… _now…_

Kageyama is Hinata’s boyfriend and as such, he’s pretty certain there are a whole host of expectations he needs to meet when it comes to his birthday - actually _any_ kind of important day, whether that be Valentine’s Day, Christmas Eve, New Year’s and dear God, who’s going to be buying who gifts on Valentine’s Day when there’s no girl involved? 

He’s not sure precisely _what_ those expectations are, but as one half of a romantic relationship, he’s fairly certain that he needs to be involved in some further capacity than sharing a meat bun with Hinata after school on their walk home. Except that not only had he forgotten all about Hinata’s birthday until this very moment - really, he’s not entirely sure what’s so fun about birthday parties anyway - but the timeframe he would have had in order to figure out what his duties are as a significant other and how best to fulfil them has moved up by an entire _week_. 

This is very, very bad. 

He says as much to Tanaka a few days later after feeling suitably sorry for himself by staring at his ceiling nonstop and coming to no sensible conclusions that could possibly help to prevent himself from making a colossal fool of himself. Enough that not only would _Hinata_ look smart by comparison, but that it might just force Hinata to break up with him altogether. 

Tanaka has taken a particular sort of interest in Kageyama in the last few weeks and it’s still taking a while for him to grow used to someone else’s constant company like this. It had started with a couple of workout sessions until Tanaka mentioned a video game he’d been playing, which just so happened to be a game that Kageyama was in the middle of. This had led to Tanaka forcing his company onto Kageyama about once a week as they completed the game together. 

“I don’t know dude, his mom is throwing him a party, seems like all you need to do is show up and bring the gift.” He’s mumbling around a mouthful of cheese pizza, but Kageyama can still hear him clearly enough and it makes his heart skip a beat.

Of all the ways he’s envisaged his involvement in Hinata’s birthday, he’d completely forgotten that the gift buying process. Which escalates his nerves from about 60 percent to 80 percent within seconds, because he’s pretty sure that if he wants to see another birthday of Hinata’s - and God does he. He wants all of his birthdays for as long as is humanly possible - then he needs to get this one absolutely right. 

“Jeez, don’t look like such a frightened puppy,” Tanaka scolds him, “what’s the big deal?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles, before restarting the level they’re currently playing. Tanaka pauses it. Kageyama unpauses it. This goes on for a good five seconds before Tanaka takes Kageyama’s controller away and tosses it across the room. 

“Spill,” he demands with as much deadpan as possible. Kageyama considers staying quiet just out of spite, but Tanaka doesn’t seem like he’s messing around today and so he just sighs irritably.

“Look, I’ve never actually bought a birthday present for anyone before, okay?”

He also knows that Hinata _knows_ he’s never bought anyone a gift before and that he’s going to add this to his annoying tally of things that he’s racking up about Kageyama and it makes his blood boil with frustration and nerves of being _beaten like this._ If this is going on his permanent record of his and Hinata’s relationship, his grade better be top of the class. 

“Why don’t you just ask his mom?” Tanaka asks. “That’s what I do every year with Saeko, but then again she’s a girl, so I don’t know if there’s one law for them and one law for us. But I feel as though moms always know best with this sort of crap.”

‘What did you do for Kanoka when it was her birthday?” 

Tanaka’s brief relationship with Ichika had been, as he put it, short and sweet. They’d parted on good terms, which was pretty unbelievable given their insane energy and knack for losing their temper. But following Karasuno’s heartbreaking defeat at nationals in January where they’d eventually lost to Nekoma after an uphill battle that entire weekend, the boy’s team and the girl’s team had met up with their respective coaches and cried together over good food and warm companionship. 

Tanaka and Kanoka had found themselves sitting next to each other during dinner after several encounters already and what started as a heart-to-heart following a tournament ended up in texting and phoning and a slowly blossoming relationship. 

Kageyama has never actually met Kanoka since then, but he remembers that day like it was yesterday. Not just because of the sting of a match lost, but because of the crest-fallen, damaged, crushed look on Hinata’s face when he realised that with their loss, he’d missed his chance to play a match against Kamomedai; against the one player who reminded him most of himself, the one player who he could learn and grow from. Stupidly, it would take them another three months before they would become a couple, but even then Kageyama remembers feeling the uncharacteristic urge to… _not_ shout at Hinata for his misery. Now that he’s more used to that feeling, he knows what he’d really wanted to do was give him a hug. And damn, he’s _lucky_ that he gets to make up for that stupidity anytime he wants now. 

Unless, of course, he messes up this birthday. 

“Well, first of all, she outright told me what she wanted for her birthday, so that was easy enough,” Tanaka laughs. “But like I said, girls live on a completely different planet to us. You really wanna give Hinata a pair of novelty volleyball earrings for his birthday? I’ve never seen him wearing them, but hey, who knows what his fashion sense is like once the uniform comes off.”

Kageyama is pretty sure that Hinata is clumsy enough to stab himself with the earring rather than actually be able to wear one with any level of finesse. 

“Look, dude, you’re _way_ overthinking this, Hinata isn’t gonna care what you get him. You could probably wrap something up that he already owns and he’d be excited for it. Want a slice of pizza?” 

“No thanks,” Kageyama grumbles.

“You on a diet or something?” Tanaka asks around a mouth full of bread and mozzarella. 

“No, my tooth’s been bothering me, that’s all— haven't got much appetite.”

“Ah well, all the more for your wise upperclassman.” 

* * *

At first, he considers what he _himself_ might like to receive on his birthday seeing as he and Hinata have pretty similar hobbies and schedules. The issue with that, however, is that Hinata is decidedly far more excitable about almost every single thing on earth than Kageyama could ever hope to be, and it makes narrowing down a list of options for something suitably special rather difficult. 

He remembers Tanaka’s first piece of advice of simply asking Hinata’s mom what he might enjoy. Except neither of their parents actually _know_ that they’re dating yet and he doesn’t really know how to explain to her that he’s so heavily invested in buying Hinata something for his birthday without having to explain _why._ They haven’t had the talk yet of when they’re going to tell their families and he thinks keeping their moms out of this may be slightly less messy than the situation already is. 

He spares a thought for Natsu and whether or not she could help him, even though he’s never even met her properly, before he halts in the middle of the konbini while reaching for a drink. He is a _genius_. 

He almost drops his drink there and then, partly from fishing out his phone and partly from the sharp pain that shoots through his tooth in that moment. He grimaces and taps out a message one handed. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Could you put me in touch with Saeko if that’s okay?_  
**Ryuunosuke Tanaka:** _Damn, dude, that’s cold! And right before Hinata’s birthday too xD_

It takes him a moment to get the joke and then he _really_ drops his drink, apologising to the old lady who it lands next to and bowing profusely. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _NO! That’s not what I meant!_  
**Ryuunosuke Tanaka:** _Oh man, I can just tell the face you’re pulling right now! Relax, I’ll send you her email. What do you need her for?_

* * *

On the weekend of his birthday, Hinata is twice the bundle of energy that he usually would be, which is really saying something. On Friday evening Kageyama tries to play his part by letting Hinata do whatever his crazy heart can think of and that is, predictably, playing volleyball one on one in the park whilst eating whatever god awful junk food Kageyama gives him the side-eye for. 

Kageyama _reeks_ of confidence, which is a pleasant turn of events after his panic earlier in the week concerning Hinata’s birthday present. He’s been carrying it around in his bag for the past few days in case it gets damaged or lost and he so desperately wants to give it to Hinata immediately. But if he does that, he’ll have nothing to offer at the party and that definitely seems like the more important of the two occasions so he just holds his tongue and volleys to his boyfriend back and forth until it gets too dark to see. And Hinata still begs for one more. He always begs for one more, and Kageyama gives him as many volleys as he wants, internally grumbling at the futility of pretending like he could refuse Hinata a single thing in the world, even the sun itself on a string if he wished for it. 

He doesn’t even think to bring up Hinata’s sneaky experiments and point-scoring. There’s always another day. 

However, as the sun sets, so does his good luck, because the very next morning, Kageyama wakes up with a roaring pain in his tooth that most definitely requires medical attention. 

“I’m supposed to be at Hinata’s tonight for his birthday,” he protests meekly to his mother as she arranges an emergency appointment for him over the phone. 

“Well the quicker you cooperate, the sooner you’ll be seen by the dentist and maybe you’ll still manage to make it there.”

He groans and lays back down because _fuck_ this is even more painful than his sprain earlier in the year and he thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

The earliest appointment his mother is able to manage is in the mid-afternoon, which is the opposite of ideal and it means he has to come up with a truly alarming number of creative excuses to avoid seeing Hinata during the day. For being as much of a scatterbrained idiot as he is, Hinata is annoyingly nurturing sometimes and Kageyama knows that the second he gets a whiff of his condition, he’ll be over here and insisting that he nurse him back to health. 

The cascade of luck continues when he arrives at the dentist and finds out that he’ll need to be sedated and then given some pretty strong painkillers once he comes back around, but that they’ll be able to fix his tooth no problem. At this point, Kageyama cares less about the pain in his tooth and more about the look on Hinata’s face when he realises Kageyama won’t be there to celebrate with him. He’s in no two minds about which would hurt him more.

But unfortunately, he’s still not old enough to make those decisions for himself and he’s borderline dragged to the dentist’s chair and told to stay put with a stern expression and a threat of no volleyball for a month. 

When he wakes up, he’s antsy and nervous - he’s always hated medical environments and all the white walls and funny smells make him feel horribly on edge - but more importantly, his mouth feels numb and foreign, his head feels like it’s been filled with water and sand and when he tries to speak to his dentist, he’s almost certain it just comes out as an elongated vowel. 

Simply put, he’s as high as a kite. 

They let him rest to fully wake up from the sedative and once he can form full sentences again and walk in a sort-of straight line, he’s ushered into the car by his mom, where he proceeds to whine and plead and moan to be dropped off at Hinata’s house. 

“Party’s ‘ready started…” he slurs in the back of the car on their way back home. 

“You’re going straight to bed,” his mother tells him. She doesn’t sound harsh, but her tone is certainly in the _firm_ variety. 

“ _Please_ ,” he whispers. “I donwanna let him down ‘gain.”

His eyes are closed and he doesn’t see the expression on her face, but she goes silent for long enough that he knows his attempt was useless. But then, he feels the car slow down and turn around, before driving back the way they came. 

“Wasgoinon?” he asks. 

“You’re allowed to go for a short time, and _only_ if you rest. Tobio, for goodness sake look at the state of you, do you not have any self-preservation?”

He thinks Hinata might be onto something with how big of a fan he is of his parents, because in that moment, he feels his heart warm and he decides that he _adores_ his mother. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, barely audible. 

* * *

Out of the car window, he sees his mother speak to Hinata’s mother at the entrance of his house, most likely to dictate in no uncertain terms the conditions of him being allowed to attend at all. He can barely make them out from how blurry his eyes feel, but he sees the shape of Hinata’s mom nod her head in understanding. 

Somehow he gets from the car to the house and gets placed on the living room couch and told to _stay._

“I’ll be back for you in about an hour,” his mother says and he smiles up at her what he assumes is one of those creepy smiles Hinata hates. 

“Hey!” a nasally voice shouts and when he turns his head he sees Nishinoya skipping over to where he is. “What happened to you man, you look rough as hell!”

“Noya, for god's sake, that’s not something you say out loud!” Tanaka scolds him. 

“I heard his mom say to Hinata’s mom that he just came from having his tooth drilled!” It’s one of the first years speaking, but he doesn’t know which. God, they’re making so much noise. 

“Hey!” _That_ voice he would recognise anywhere and he blinks his eyes open to see Daichi sauntering over to the group that’s gathered around him like vultures. “Do I have to get leashes for all of you, can’t you see he’s not feeling well? Scatter, now!”

“Ca’tain…” he mumbles and he hears Daichi chuckle as he crouches down next to him.

“Not anymore, Kageyama. I’ll go and get Hinata, he’s been worried sick about you all day.”

“Don’ tellim m’sick…” 

“Umm… I’m not sure we’ll be able to hide it,” he laughs. “But Hinata won’t mind, just hang in there I’ll be back in a moment.”

He’s certain 50 years pass in the time it takes Daichi to get up to him hearing Hinata’s concerned voice calling his name. He comes barreling in and crouches by him at lightning speed. 

“Hina….”

“Ohmygod are you okay? Kageyama, is this why you weren’t speaking to me all day oh my _God_.”

“M’okay,” he sighs. He looks at Hinata and wants to cry at his cute face all screwed up with worry and his tiny eyebrows and his little nose taking in all those quick shallow breaths. “You’re here, s’gonna be okay.”

Hinata exhales loudly and wraps his arms around Kageyama’s skull. “Yeah, I’m here,” he says. “I’m not moving from this spot all night.”

Even in Kageyama’s confused state, that seems like a terrible idea considering it’s his birthday. He attempts to say as much, but to what success he really doesn’t know. 

Which is when he hears a low, soft voice from behind Hinata’s head say, “why don’t we take shifts, Hinata? Stay with him for a while, and then when you want to go do some karaoke, I’ll sit with him.”

“Hina sucks k’aoke,” Kageyama mumbles.

“Well, that should put your mind at rest Hinata,” Suga laughs. “He’s still himself at least.”

“I’ll stay with him for now, thanks Suga,” Hinata says, stroking Kageyama’s head as he does. “He just got here, I want to spend some time with him.”

“You got it!”

It’s not till that moment that he realises what a burden he is by staying here and crashing Hinata’s party that he’s been looking forward to for weeks. He should have just listened to his mom and gone to bed and made up some excuse and let Hinata sing shitty karaoke and stuff his face in peace. Now he gets to spend his special day nursing his fully grown boyfriend, and Kageyama is a classic _idiot_.

“M’ going’ home…” he says and makes an effort to move. Which is easy enough when your limbs work properly and not so easy when they’re pumped full of some drug he can’t remember the name of just to get his tooth to stop hurting. 

“You’re doing no such thing!” Hinata gives him a shove - okay, a gentle _tap_ \- back into the couch, and sits next to him, curling up like a kitten just brought back from the shelter. “I missed you today,” he whispers so that only Kageyama will hear. And okay, maybe staying isn’t such a bad idea after all. 

Hinata smells like cotton candy from where he probably took a bath earlier and his hair is fluffy on the side of Kageyama’s neck and it’s his goddamn _birthday_ and he’s still the kindest and most attentive person in the room and Kageyama will never deserve this. If he could get his arms to move in trustworthy ways, he would scoop Hinata into a ball and breathe him in until the smell of candy is all that he knows. 

“‘ppy birthday,” he breaths instead and feels Hinata melt like ice cream next to him. 

* * *

He refuses to nap, because this is a party, even if his presence is certainly making it _less_ so. He slurs his way through a half-assed conversation with Hinata about what he’d been up to that day, before he’s relieved by Nishinoya. His approach is far less nurse-like and far more… toddler-like by the way he finds amusement in asking Kageyama how many fingers he’s holding up and trying to confuse him. It works, and it earns Noya a slap upside the head from Ennoshita who takes the next shift. They sit mostly in silence and then it’s Suga’s turn to keep him company.

“How’s college?” he asks wearily. Words aren’t coming much easier to him 30 minutes later, in fact, he’s now feeling sleepy on top of high. 

“It’s great,” he says. “Different sort of speed to high school, but I like my course and my school has a team, so I still get to play.”

“n’Daichi?”

“I still see him on the weekends. It might sound crazy, but not going to the same college is really a good thing for us. It’s not healthy to stick at each other’s sides and not have your own lives, especially since we met at the same high school.”

Kageyama nods in what he hopes is code for _I understand_. 

“How are things with you though? Heard you guys crushed Seijoh at prelims?”

Kageyama grunts his approval, which makes Sugawara chuckle. “Hinata must be psyched to go back and finally get to take on Hoshiumi after all these months.”

“He’ll crush ‘shumi,” Kageyama insists, because Hinata is the greatest volleyball player on the planet and he’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. Just as soon as he can stand straight. 

“ _Good_ answer,” Suga laughs. “What a shame Hinata wasn’t here to hear that.” They fall into a companionable silence and Kageyama feels himself start to drift off. Suga must see it, because he interjects, “I’m so happy to see you doing so well you know. With Hinata, but also just in general… well… minus the current state of affairs…”

Kageyama finds it in himself to narrow his eyes in displeasure in a way he wouldn’t dare aim at Suga usually, but he’s pretty sure one of these birthday guests stole his filter because nothing he says or does seems to be scary or possess consequences like it would any other time. He blames Tsukki. It’s always Tsukki’s fault.

“Uh-oooooh, that’s not a happy face!” Suga has the audacity to _giggle_ at him. But before Kageyama has the speed or dexterity to do anything about this affront, Suga announces, “Ahhh, my replacement! Our gentle giant has arrived.”

Suga waves him goodbye and Asahi fills the gaps that he left behind. He already misses Suga and feels the urge to reach for him like a little child to his mother, because Suga is good. He’s good and lovely and his hair always seems soft. And he always has a smile for Kageyama and that’s good. 

He’s… not faring too well.

“So… how’ve you been, Kageyama?” he asks a little awkwardly. Out of all the guys on the team, Asahi was probably one of the players he spoke to the least outside of actual practice and even then, Kageyama knows he was a little… intense at times…

He just hums a response, which only makes Asahi fidget further. In the foggy recesses of his brain, he remembers Tanaka saying that Asahi suffers from anxiety and he instantly feels bad for giving the impression of indifference, so he mumbles, “you?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says softly. “I’m job hunting right now, but in the meantime I’m volunteering as an assistant coach at a middle school. Those kids are so cute, it’s hard to believe any of us were ever that small.”

“y’should d’it full time.”

“Maybe, we’ll see…” he trails off. “I um… I heard from Nishi that you had a little bit of a rough time recently. You doin’ okay now?”

He’s certainly doing okay enough that he can breathe at night. Okay enough that the thought of Hinata filling some of the empty spaces in his life makes him feel like he’s been scrubbed clean of whatever darkness he’s been carrying for most of his life. He attempts to say as much, but all that comes out is, “he fills th’space.”

“Who does?”

“N’ata.”

Asahi laughs. “I… completely get that honestly. I don’t… I don’t really talk to many people about it, but Nishinoya kind of changed everything for me at first. He’s so loud and so… _there_ , but… he was the only one that made everything else seem quiet. I dunno, I’m probably talking nonsense…”

“No,” Kageyama says, “I get it.”

“But it’s not always easy, is it? When the other person doesn’t know how loud it can get sometimes in your head?” Kageyama blinks wearily at Asahi and he wants to cry. He wants to cry so badly, but he thinks the drugs have removed his tear ducts or something. Or maybe he’s already crying and he doesn’t realise it because of how blurry everything already feels. 

He’s never heard anyone use the right words before. Hinata may have known and recognised he was having a panic attack, but that definition didn’t really mean anything to Kageyama. It _had_ been loud. Deafening, even. He feels his hair stand on end just remembering it. 

He feels the panicked need to defend Hinata though, because no one could have calmed him or brought him back to life the way he had that day, and no doubt will do for the rest of his life. “He’s good t’me,” Kageyama breathes. Asahi’s eyes go wide and he waves his hands in front of him.

“Oh, no I’m sure he is, no, I _know_ he is. As is Nishinoya. There’s no one else who… well… anyway… my point is more that…” he stops and visibly searches for his next words. “Sometimes all I wanted was someone else who knew how hard it was when those moments happen. Not to help me through them, but just to _know.”_ He pauses and Kageyama nods slowly, like he’s drunk. “Um… if you ever feel like you need something similar, please come talk to me okay?”

Kageyama feels utterly overwhelmed. Like _he’s_ the one being given a gift on his birthday. Like he’s earned something special. 

“But yeah, Hinata is a really good kid,” he continues. “I don’t doubt for a second that he looks out for you. That you both look out for each other. Have you stopped fighting so much now that you’re dating?” he smiles. 

Kageyama had once told Hinata _as long as I’m breathing, we’ll fight_. And he thinks that still rings true. But over time, he knows their fighting has taken on a tone all of its own that never existed a year ago. They don’t use _moron_ or _idiot_ any less than they used to, but when Hinata says them at least, he makes them sound more like _you’re amazing_ or _can I tell you a secret?_

He’s swimming in the memories of three months ago when Hinata had pulled him into his arms and asked him to be his boyfriend. His mind is a drugged up _mess_ but he’s finding he’s _loving_ the extra high he’s getting from being reminded by Asahi of how perfect Hinata is and how he loves it when Hinata wriggles when he holds him and how Hinata had sat here with him on the couch on his own birthday just to check that he was safe. He carries on swimming further and round in circles and sees tournaments and wins and losses and more birthdays where he’s not messy and useless and graduation parties and new friends and home-cooked meals. He feels so full and it’s in no way how he’d felt moments before he broke down in Hinata’s arms. This fullness is one he thinks _should_ be there; it is one that normal humans feel all the time. 

He can’t keep it all inside. It’s too much. He can’t stop thinking of marks on a calendar and crumbs in the bed. He feels normal. He feels so normal that he physically can’t keep it inside anymore.

“Cn I tel’you secret?” he asks, feeling himself go a little cross-eyed. He doesn’t much like that, so he opts for leaning his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. The darkness is _so_ calming.

“Sure,” he hears Asahi chuckle.

“Y’have to pr’mise not to say,” he insists and even waves a floppy, useless hand to show just how important it is and how seriously Asahi _must_ take his request. 

“Cross my heart,” he hears. God, his senses are so heightened that he can hear the sound of Asahi actually crossing his heart against his clothes. Are there meant to be stars behind his eyelids?

“M’gonna marry him…” he sighs. 

He either falls asleep, or there’s a pretty lengthy silence. Okay, maybe there’s only _two_ seconds of silence, but time works differently tonight apparently. Whatever time continuum he’s working on, his eyes are soon forced open and his body shoots up to a full sitting position at the sound of a glass hitting the carpeted floor. 

He opens his eyes and sees the shape of two Hinatas merge into one before him, but he barely recognises it at his boyfriend. His usually pale skin is the reddest he’s ever seen it, his eyes are wider in circumference than a volleyball and he’s standing rigid as a post. A breeze would probably knock him right over if there was one. 

“Oh hey Hinata…” Asahi says with a great deal of embarrassment, which confuses the hell out of Kageyama. It’s not like Hinata caught them doing each other’s makeup or anything. But Asahi scratches the back of his head the way he used to when Kageyama would interrogate him over the quality of his tosses. He gives up on his in-depth investigation and flops back onto the couch. 

The sound of the glass has woken him up somewhat and he feels a little more focused and perhaps that’s the drugs wearing off because he can definitely feel the twinge in his nerves where the dentist was rummaging around uninvited earlier on. He hates the dentist. He hates the dentist and he wants Hinata _right now._

He makes a vague grabby motion out in front of him and feels Hinata come to him and take his hands. 

“You know,” he says and wow, his voice is high and breathy and not at all how Kageyama expected it to sound, though he can’t think why. Is he still high? “I really, _really_ like you like this.”

Of course he does. Hinata has always managed to like Kageyama the most when he’s at his worst. “Whatdoyoumean?” he murmurs and Hinata does his cute breathy giggle. 

“You’re just… more _you_ this way. I like you so genuine. I guess you’re really Needy-yama and Grabby-yama underneath all that, huh?”

“Yur grabby,” he grumbles uselessly, but Hinata doesn’t respond, only strokes his hands. Before Kageyama can say something stupid about how it makes him feel to have Hinata hold his hands like that, he feels his head clear that little bit more and not only feels but _hears_ an odd shifting in his belly. 

“Idon’t feel good…” he says slowly.

“Oh?”

The shifting turns to outright churning and oh yeah, that’s not good in the slightest.

“Hinata…” he warns and puts a hand instinctively to his belly. Hinata’s eyes go wide and he’s up like lightning with an arm around Kageyama to help him stand. 

“Crap, okay up we get!”

He doesn’t remember how they get from the couch to the stairs to the upstairs hallway, but before he knows it, Hinata is ushering him into the bathroom and slamming the door behind them. Kageyama feels fiercely alert now as he drops to his knees in front of the toilet and hears the water running. Hinata is by his side in an instant, dabbing his face with a wet cloth he found from god knows where. 

Now that he’s still, he feels the familiar churning again and he tries to stop it with all the control he knows he has. “No, no, no, no, no,” he chants as he grips the side of the toilet like it’s a god.

And then his head tips forward by default as he vomits straight into the bowl to the sound of sweet and whispered sounds of approval.

“Hey, woah, woah it’s okay, I’m here,” Hinata soothes and Kageyama shakes his head as the tears come. 

“No, no, don’t look at me, please, I’ve never… I’ve never…” he pants, “not in front of someone…” but he doesn’t get to finish as he’s shoved forward again. He’s done this a handful of times, and most of them are from when he’s been too young to remember. He watches what he eats and he’s rarely sick and vomiting makes him feel like the lowest of the low and the thought of Hinata sitting here _looking_ at it makes his abs clench more painfully than his tooth. 

“It’s just the medication, theeeere we go,” Hinata continues. “It’s all gone now, it’s only me, no one else can see you.”

“I’m sorry,” he cries pitifully into the toilet. 

“Be quiet, you big silly dummy,” Hinata laughs. “Who else knows about throwing up like me? No one, that’s who!” He lifts his head and wipes Kageyama’s mouth with a tissue, before taking the wet towel and dabbing not only his face, but his neck and parts of his collar bones too. “See, that’s so much better,” he smiles “I always feel better afterwards too.”

Better is a very abstract word for how he feels. Tired, is a much more accurate one. 

“I’m exhausted.” He finally feels himself able to form words correctly which is some sort of blessing at least. He’s never going to the dentist again.

“I’ll bet,” Hinata agrees. “I’m gonna go call your mom and let her know you’ll stay here tonight. Or else she’ll worry.” Kageyama nods dumbly, unable to even argue with him. “Go grab some pyjamas out of my room, okay, I’m just gonna go and deal with everything downstairs.”

Kageyama pads across the hall to where he knows Hinata’s room like a homing pigeon in search of her long lost pigeon lover and finds some mismatched set of top and bottoms to wear to bed. Sleep sounds better than volleyball right about now. 

He gets into bed, and not long after, Hinata is back, kneeling by his head and warming the room with his presence. “Okay, everything is sorted, your mom’s gonna pick you up tomorrow. I’m gonna stay with the party for a bit longer but as soon as everyone goes home, I’ll be up. You sleep, okay?” His voice is as small as a baby bird’s and it’s a gift to Kageyama’s ears. 

“Gift!” he mumbles into the pillow.

“Huh?” 

“Your gift is in my bag,” he says a little more clearly but no less drowsily. Hinata sighs happily and tucks a hair behind Kageyama’s ear. 

“A second present, huh?”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. Show me tomorrow yeah?” Kageyama hums in agreement, but he’s overcome with sadness that the evening will end with him sick in Hinata’s bed while Hinata is downstairs and _giftless_. He still feels Hinata’s persistent hands on him and he doesn’t see it, but he can almost _sense_ Hinata’s smile. There’s something strangely domestic about it in a way he’s never experienced with Hinata before. Like something married couples do. And well, he’s just happy he has the presence of mind to keep that sort of stuff in his stupid useless brain and not say it out loud. 

“I’m sorry for ruining your birthday,” he breathes finally. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata breathes in the same tone he uses when he calls him _Silly-yama_. “I’ve never had a better one.” 

For once in his life, he refuses to let his brain convince him that Hinata is lying. 

“Sleep,” he hears murmured softly into his hair. “I’ve got you.”

The world fades away and the memory of the dentist and the vomiting fade away with it. The poster that’s tucked away safely in his bag - the one he’d harassed Saeko for days and days to organise, the one that shows the original photo of Hinata mid-jump that Yachi took of him and is signed at the bottom _Fly High Hinata, love from The Tiny Giant_ \- waits for Hinata to discover it the next morning. 

And as he slips into sleep, Kageyama decides that roasting Hinata for definitely adding this experience to his messed up tally he’s keeping can wait for another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writer's block and then catching the coronavirus, I'm finally here! Sorry this took a little longer! 
> 
> *
> 
> FYI, my reference to Karasuno's time at Nationals is purely my headcanon and what I would like to see happen. At the time of writing, I don't know their score, so please keep that in mind when commenting! But I know you guys will be respectful and lovely <3
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re reading the kanji wrong.”

“How would you know?”

“Because that one means noon.”

“No it doesn’t, it means cow.”

“How would that proverb make sense if it meant cow? Look, this radical here is flat.”

“Dammit!” Kageyama throws his pen across the room and considers _eating_ his notes or burning them in some majestic voodoo ritual. Anything to prevent him from actually studying. 

Except now that both of Hinata’s birthday celebrations are over, he has no excuses left but to knuckle down for the end of summer exams if he wants to be allowed at the training camp again this year. It may only be the second week of July, but Hinata, in an attempt to be a “good influence” on him, had suggested they start early. He has no idea where this sudden urge to be a model student has come from, but he can only assume it’s a combination of a loving nudge from his mother and pressure from Yachi and Tadashi in that order. 

Which is all very well and good, except Hinata has currently abandoned Kageyama in the pursuit of snacks from Kageyama’s _own_ kitchen and left him in his living room with Kindaichi, who is doing very little to help boost his ego.

“How the hell do you guys get through these exams at Seijoh when they’re so much harder than this?” he asks. “I don’t remember you being any kind of genius.” He says the last part with only the slightest hint of a grumble. Old habits die hard and the thought of Kindaichi beating him at anything still stings, despite their general agreement to a pleasant stalemate as of late. 

“I dunno man, we just studied hard, plus Oikawa used to encourage or bribe us quite a lot, especially the dumb ones on the team. He was always a bit of a smart ass so it’s not like _he_ had any issues at school.”

Kageyama let’s out a noise that’s less of a voluntary _sound_ and more of a persistent rumbling that comes from some dark place inside him reserved for the likes of Toru Oikawa. He wonders if the sound comes with its own rain cloud because it would be very fitting to go along with the barely-there muttering he’s doing that includes words like _of course he didn’t_ and _smug bastard._

He’s paying attention to his paper for once and so he doesn’t actually _see_ Kindaichi smirk, but he can _feel_ it like it’s a third person between them when Kindaichi says, “You sure all that anger isn’t your great big stinking crush on him in middle school talking?”

Kageyama wants to grip his pen, but he’s just thrown it across the room, so he gets up with an impressive amount of side-eye and goes to retrieve it.

“Why?” he asks, “Because I hate him? By that shitty logic, I had a great big crush on _you_ for years.” He plops back down on the floor and makes his disgruntled disposition more than known to his study partner. 

“I mean I’d be _offended_ if you didn’t, to be quite honest with you.”

“Shut it Kindaichi,” he sneers but feels the need to defend his own honour because Kindaichi has no idea what he’s talking about. “Oikawa’s a piece of shit. I like to think I have better taste than that.”

“Better taste than the resident pretty boy? Suuuure. Me think she doth protest too much!” Kindaichi sing-songs as happily as if he’s been handed free food. “I think you want to kiiiiiss hiiiiiim!”

Kageyama prays to every god he knows for the gift of patience not to throw Kindaichi out of his house when they’ve just made such progress in their reconciliation. Why was that a good idea again?

“I’d rather have Hinata puke in my mouth,” he decides. Because despite his aversion to vomit, _anything_ sounds better than kissing Oikawa’s stupid smug face with his stupid smug hair that he’s probably never had a problem with being too flat. 

He nearly breaks the ballpoint of his pen by pressing it into the paper so hard.

“Um… that was an awkward moment to walk in,” he hears from the doorway as Hinata arrives with his hands full of food. 

Kageyama rolls his eyes and directs his frustration at Kindaichi.

“ _See_ what you’ve done, now you’re going to put ideas in his head, you know he’s got air in his brain.”

“Hey!” Hinata protests at the exact same time as Kindaichi snorts out, “Look who’s talking.”

Hinata retakes his seat and begins to eat his snacks, _loudly_. “Why does Kageyama want me to puke in his mouth?” he asks around a mouth full of whatever. Before Kageyama can correct him, Kindaichi is there to very helpfully clear things up.

“We’re talking about his big tragic crush on his ex upperclassman that he’s in deep denial over.”

Okay. Not so helpful then.

“Daichi?” Hinata asks.

“No, Oikawa.”

“Oooooooo, interesting! I could definitely see that!” He makes a point of _showing_ just how much he could _see_ that by turning his head and studying Kageyama like he’s one of his English tests. Kageyama never authorised being studied and decides to put a stop to it immediately.

“No, Hinata, not interesting at all. The very _opposite_ of interesting.”

But his usual _warning tone_ does shockingly little to dissuade Hinata today, because rather than cower before him, Hinata’s eyes sparkle and he starts to crawl towards him, before pouncing on him, half clinging to his back and half ready to fall back onto the carpet. He resembles some depressing attempt at a baby koala and his hands are in his hair and his tone is mischievous when he teases, “Was he your first crush, Kageyama?”

Kageyama _hates Hinata’s guts_. He’ll burst every volleyball he owns. He’ll piss in his shoes. He’ll use every bad word that makes Hinata squeamish. 

He’s also very conscious that Hinata is _climbing all over his back_ and sure, they may be a little more prone to physicality around their own team in the last few months - a head pat here, a hand holding there - but Hinata is all over him and very much in his space with another person in the room and Kageyama wants to swallow his tongue at how borderline shameless he’s being.

“Oh my God, Hinata, get off me, stop being pervy in front of Kindaichi.”

“If _that’s_ what you consider pervy, that’s either adorable or just concerning,” Kindaichi says completely deadpan, apparently not phased in the slightest with Kageyama’s disaster of a boyfriend making a mockery of the human race in front of him. If anything, he seems to find the display extremely amusing. He can go to hell. Kageyama is plenty clued up about what constitutes as _pervy_ in a roundabout, abstract sort of way. Who is Kindaichi to suggest that he’s not?

“Did you loooooooove him?” Hinata continues, playing every note of Kageyama’s nerve endings with a precision that he _must_ know will lead him in only one of two directions. Either a sharp yank of his hair or the latter.

“Hinata, you piece of shit, you’re never getting a set from me again.” Today, it’s apparently the latter. 

Hinata doesn’t have a chance to turn the puppy dog eyes on him or beg his forgiveness or frantically wave his hands or any of the things he usually does when Kageyama dishes out threats of no volleyball, because he hears his mother’s voice, clearly having just returned home from work.

“Well don’t you sound like a lively bunch! That homework must be very interesting.” She appears in the door frame with a kind smile and tired eyes and Kageyama instantly calms when he looks at her. 

“Sorry ma’am, Kageyama is just too easy to tease,” Kindaichi says from behind him. His mother, the traitor, smiles and actually looks interested. 

“Oh, do tell?”

“We’re just talking about the crush he used to have on Oi—”

“—On a movie character!” Kageyama interrupts in a panic. Kindaichi has the sense to at least not correct him like Kageyama thought he might and while he waits for his mother’s response he does his best to master his poker face. He’s never played cards and so he has no idea what a poker face actually is, but he imagines it has something to do with not letting your mother find out that you like kissing people with boy’s names rather than girl’s names.

“Well, will wonders never cease, Tobio had a crush growing up?” He relaxes fully at that, but can still feel the crease in his brow. Even Hinata is giving off nervous energy from next to him, he doesn’t even need to look at him to see it.

“Relax, sweetie,” his mother sighs sweetly. She leans her forehead against the doorframe as she smiles, before shaking her head and turning to leave. “I’m going to make a start on dinner boys, I’d like to hear hard work from that room and not much else please!” 

“Yes mom,” he mutters with relief. When he turns back to look at Kindaichi, he finds him looking bewildered.

“Your mom still doesn’t _know_?” Kindaichi mutters, doing his best to communicate shock whilst still keeping his voice down.

“Shhhh,” Kageyama insists, because there aren’t _that_ many walls in the house, no matter how quietly he’s talking. “Neither of our parents do.” Hinata nods next to him but stays uncharacteristically quiet. Kindaichi says nothing, but the concerned expression on his face remains and Kageyama feels the sudden urge to defend himself.

“We’re… working on it…” he mumbles. 

It’s… one way to put it, that’s for sure, but that’s all he’s willing to share. Kindaichi may be his friend, but there are certain conversations that he at least has the good sense to keep between himself and Hinata.

In true Tobio Kageyama fashion, he’s managed to create an awkward silence worthy of a few seconds of uncomfortable shifting, sighs and tongue clicks. That is, until Hinata speaks, voice low and hushed.

“You don’t really want me to puke in your mouth do you?”

Kindaichi _snorts._

“ _That_ ’s what you’ve been thinking about the last two minutes?!” Kageyama hisses with impressive force. 

“I mean, I don’t want to _judge_ you, you know-”

“Hinata, you dumbass!”

The commotion that this creates ends up earning them a distant scolding from Kageyama’s mother, who calls into the room for them to settle down or _else_. Kageyama scowls at Hinata throughout the rest of their study session, while Hinata looks forlorn and put upon and Kindaichi tries not to laugh from behind his hand every time he looks at them. 

* * *

There are two ways that Kageyama behaves when he’s nervous. 

The first involves relative silence, a stern, piercing expression and he’s usually found lying flat on his back in bed with a volleyball in his hands. It’s the same position he’s found himself in prior to any important game he’s ever played. His mother once joked that there’s always a Tobio-shaped imprint in his mattress from where he spends his evenings doing self-sets during these periods. 

The second type of behaviour - the one that only happens during what Hinata has so kindly dubbed his _boyfriend panic_ \- involves pacing. It’s an experience entirely new to him because up until he was someone’s boyfriend, he preferred his freakouts in the subtle variety. Nowadays, however, the boyfriend panic makes him annoyingly loud and mobile. 

He pants and huffs as he moves from his bed to his desk to his window and back again with varying levels of speed. He doesn’t even _look_ at his volleyball, so he knows it's going to be one of _those_ days.

To his credit, he thinks, just a few short months ago he might have let this fester for far longer than the few days he’s currently allowed the stress to build for. He might have even had another nervous breakdown. But dating Hinata has taught him so many things in the same sort of way that someone picking up their life and moving to a foreign country will help them absorb the new language. It happens gradually and certainly not without a fair share of mistakes and hiccups. But once it becomes second nature, it’s almost as easy as breathing. Hinata’s language is one that Kageyama has found he’s learning through immersion and he’s never found another method of study to be so enjoyable. 

Not so long ago, he’d sat on this very bedroom floor in Hinata’s lap and allowed his anxiety - _boyfriend panic, Kageyama, that way it’s not such a dirty word for you!_ \- to disembowel him, to make a mockery of his senses and his place within his own soul. Back then, the knowledge that he and Hinata were living on borrowed time and that time for payment was due any minute now would have invaded him yet again. Now instead, he simply whips out his phone and dials Hinata’s number. 

“We need to talk,” he says without hearing Hinata’s greeting. 

“I thought so,” Hinata replies, though he sounds cheerful rather than concerned, which is how a normal person would react to the words _we need to talk_. “You want me to come over?”

“No,” Kageyama replies quickly. “No, too many sleepovers in a row, mom might get suspicious.” There’s an affirmative humming on the other end of the line. Kageyama tries to remember the very brief conversations he’s had with Asahi about anxiety management and gives himself a mental pat on the back for getting this far already. Apparently it helps with self-esteem, or so he tells Kageyama. 

“That’s… sort of what I wanted to talk to you about…” he begins tentatively. 

There are very few milestones in their relationship that Hinata has not been enthusiastically on board for. In fact, despite the fact that Kageyama is sure there must be _some things_ Hinata has managed to experience for the first time whilst in a relationship with him, it shocked him to realise how much of a bystander Kageyama apparently was in this entire arrangement rather than a proactive member. A very happy and smitten bystander, of course, but still very much taking the lead from his little red 10. To the point where he still has yet to confront Hinata about those tallies he’s keeping. 

But despite Hinata’s enthusiasm to go along with whatever few and precious ideas Kageyama may come up with that involve the two of them, he doesn’t ever want to take it for granted that Hinata will just smile and give him a _yes_ every time; just because he hasn’t found Hinata’s own variety of boyfriend panic, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. 

“I think we need to… start thinking about telling our parents…” 

He expects more of a pause than he gets and he’s not sure if that makes him feel better or more nervous.

“Is this because of Kindaichi the other day?” Hinata asks, which tells Kageyama one of two things. Either Hinata has started training his memory and is actually able to _retain information now_ \- unlikely - or, he too has been thinking about Kindaichi’s reaction during their study session and has been expecting Kageyama to bring it up. 

“Yeah…” he mumbles. 

Hinata doesn’t quiz or interrogate him and he’s eternally grateful for that. Hinata makes his life a living hell in so many ways. Makes him want to tear both of their hair out with how he irritates him almost every single second of the day. But when it comes to the important things - the _real_ things; the things that make them truly human - from day one, he’s done nothing but make the journey easier and more bearable for a lost boy like Kageyama. 

This is the final step. The one last hurdle until they’ll no longer be just friends to anyone of importance in their lives. It feels like it should be scarier than it is. And it _is_. But mostly, all Kageyama feels is the relentless itch from the band aid that he needs off his skin _now_. And he trusts Hinata to help him rip it off together. He’s ready.

“So what’s the plan?” his nasally voice asks up against his ear. 

* * *

Once Kageyama has made his mind up about something, it’s very difficult for him to know how to apply the breaks. Which is why a mere week after his and Hinata’s phone conversation, he finds himself sitting at his dining room table with his hands in his lap and sweat building up behind his knees while he waits for his mother to serve up dinner. His grandparents are sitting with him and engaging in hushed, warm conversation that he can’t bear to get involved in. It might be the last time either of them ever speak to him and he just wants to spend these moments committing the way they sound to his memory.

“ _Are you sure you want to go first? I really don’t mind._ ” Hinata had asked him that morning. But letting Hinata take the first stride would feel too much like admitting that he can’t do this without his help. Like he needs Hinata to hold his hand to get through this. As much as he wishes he were here to _physically_ hold his hand, this is a step he needs to take on his own and without Hinata taking the emotional lead the way he has done with everything else they’ve faced. 

It doesn’t stop him from sending Kageyama a slew of sweet, supportive Hinata-like messages all through the day and if it wasn’t for them, it’s entirely possible he might have lost his nerve by now. 

_Are you okay?_  
_You got this!_  
_I’m so proud <3 _  
_You’re the best boyfriend in the entire world xD_

“Tobio?” his grandmother asks, “do you feel prepared for your end of year exams?”

“I’m studying hard, grandma,” he tells her, twiddling his thumbs where they still lay in his lap. 

When Kageyama was young, it didn’t take them long to figure out that he was destined to be a bit of a dunce at school. It had been frustrating and scary for him to see his peers retain the information that his teachers claimed would make it possible for him to exist in the world as a real person. The words and figures on the pages in front of him that he couldn’t quite grasp would help him get a job one day, would make his mom proud of him. Would mean that he could get a super well-paid job and his mom wouldn’t have to work so hard and she could stay at home all of the time while he goes out to support her. But none of it ever made _sense_. 

He’d excelled at memorisation games, competitiveness and repetition, but that had only gotten him so far before his weaknesses as a student really began to show. By the time he’s seven, he’s already behind almost everyone else in the class and despite his best efforts, he fails most of his homework assignments. 

The first time he comes home to his grandparents with a failed test score, he cries for thirty minutes. He knows that they’re both the smartest people he knows, have spent hours studying with him after school during the evenings when his mother has the late shift and it’s their turn to babysit him. He sniffles and mumbles about how he did his best, while they hold him and tell him it’s _okay_. He doesn’t understand at the time how they can be so understanding about his failures when school is something that has always been so important to them, something he knows they excelled at growing up. 

“Why don’t we play out in the yard?” his grandfather had asked while Kageyama’s grandmother helped him blow his nose into the tissue she was holding. He’d nodded, red-nosed and red-eyed and followed them outside. 

“Does your school have a sports team?” his grandpa asked as he threw the ball back and forth between them. 

“I think so. Some of the boys in my class are on the volleyball team.”

“Think maybe you might want to give it a go?”

Kageyama caught the ball and looked at the ground. “I don’t think so,” he mumbled. “I’m not very good in class, so I probably wouldn’t do very well at sports either.”

“But sports aren’t like other things at school,” his grandfather said, kneeling down in front of him. “Do you enjoy it when we play out here?” he asked and Kageyama nodded. “Can you do something for me and your grandma? When you start grade 2 in April, go and meet the boys on the volleyball team and give it a go. If you don’t like it, you never have to go back.”

It takes less than a week of volleyball practice for Kageyama to run home after school to his grandparents and babble on for hours with a bright smile and a heart full of optimism. 

They’d managed to turn every disappointment, every test failed, every match lost, into something positive. Even when they knew that the likelihood of their grandson getting into any kind of school without his athletic skill to back him up was impossible, they’d never made him feel like that was a shortcoming, like it was a reason for them to stop loving him. 

All he can do is sit at the table and pray that falling for Hinata, rather than a pretty demure girl, is yet another test failed that they’ll forgive him for.

“Okay!” his mother announces. “Dinner is finally ready!” The smell of her cooking is like a loving kiss on the forehead or a tight hug and Kageyama smiles as she lays the dishes out for them on the table.

They eat in relative silence, with the other three chatting quietly around him. “I don’t remember the last time the four of us got together for dinner,” Kageyama’s grandmother smiles.

“I love it too, I’m sorry work has been so busy this year. But at least Tobio can look after himself most of the time now, so that really helps.”

“You know you can always still come to us whenever your mom is working, right?”

“Oh I know,” Kageyama tells them. “But it’s really no bother, and I’m not usually by myself in the house that often.”

“It’s true!” his mother chimes in. “Tobio often has friends over now.”

He’s been an only child and grandson long enough now to know when he’s being studied with barely-contained excitement. 

“That’s amazing, sweetheart,” his grandmother says. 

Kageyama looks up to see their proud faces and realises that if he’s going to do this today, there probably won’t be a better moment to break it to them than right now. He shouldn’t have taken a single bite of food because he’s going to throw it up at any second.

“Yeah, I’ve usually got company now after school and on the weekends…” 

He puts his chopsticks down, then picks them back up again, plays with his rice, then puts them down again. 

“Um… you see…”

He feels the tell tale sign of his vision going blurry and his palms sweating. _Not now, not now._

He feels it harder to take a breath. He feels the hairs on his arms stand on end. Boyfriend panic - no - an anxiety attack, just say it. _Another anxiety attack_ and at the worst possible moment. 

He breathes. It’s all he can do. Hinata’s not there and he needs to do this without him. He breathes and feels his lungs unfurl that tiny bit like a butterfly. 

“Speaking of my friends, there is um… there is something I need to tell you all…” 

They don’t look concerned, but the air in the room certainly shifts in the way you would expect it to when making such an announcement. He instantly feels his next words being wrapped in barb wire and armed with the possibility of causing grave harm. 

“I have a friend um… that is, there’s someone. A friend. One of my friends that I see after school, Hinata he um… well he and I….”

“Oh you and Hinata have made up with Yuutarou, haven’t you sweetie?” he furrows his brow and looks to his right where his mother is sitting. She has a completely blank expression on her face. Which doesn’t sit right with him _at all_ because she has one of the most expressive faces he knows. He instantly feels uncomfortable and not in the way he was expecting to at all.

“Well um… yeah, but that’s-”

“-You remember Yuutarou Kindaichi, don’t you dad?” his mother asks, “he and Tobio used to play together in middle school.”

“Oh, that’s right! He was a bit of a grumpy boy as far as I remember, but I’m glad the two of you are on good terms again.”

“Um… yeah…”

He picks up his chopsticks and decides that the mood is sufficiently ruined and that clearly he’ll have to wait for the next time the four of them are together like this to tell them all at the same time. 

He feels the weight of his failure as they finish up and as he hugs his grandparents goodbye and as he clears the table with his mother and just when he thinks he’s about to be excused and he’ll have to go upstairs and listen to Hinata’s comforting voice over the phone when he tells him he’s screwed it up so badly, his mother finally speaks. 

“You really don’t do things by halves do you, Tobio?” He’s facing away from her and when he turns around, he sees that she also has her back to him, her hands leaning against the kitchen sink.

“Mom?” 

She turns to face him and her eyes are soft and kind; the sort of expression that could melt some of his hottest tempers as a disgruntled middle-schooler. 

“I know you’re an overachiever, but did you really think telling all of us at once was the best way to go?”

He just gapes at her like a fish dragged straight out of the water, except there’s a lot less flapping going on. Perhaps he should be flapping though. Perhaps he should very much be flapping at what his mother is potentially hinting at. 

“Oh god, Tobio, look I’m sorry, I feel bad for interrupting you, it’s just I know you can cave under pressure sometimes and I just… the truth is, I couldn’t bear to see the look on your face if it went badly I just… I couldn’t…”

“Mom…” he repeats, because _what else is there to say_? “You… you already…”

His mother gives him a confused look and says softly, “of course I did.”

He feels the ground shift beneath him and takes a seat - more like let’s gravity do the work for him - on the chair to his right. 

“How?” he asks. This was _not_ the way it was supposed to go. He had plans. He had all these plans and now he has _no_ plans and it’s making him furious and confused and he can’t connect the dots in his mind fast enough for how his mother could possibly _know_.

She tentatively walks over to him and crouches by his knees. He feels himself breathe again because even though he’s never once felt uncomfortable with her presence over him the way he might with another human, he still feels at peace now that she’s made herself smaller; soothing him with an invitation, rather than demanding it by being the physically more dominant person. 

“Tobio…” she whispers and brings her hand up to cup the back of his head as gently as is humanly possible. “I have raised you for 16 years. Even when you don’t know it yourself, or you’re not ready to tell me things, don’t you ever think for one second that I don’t know you.”

“Mom…” he chokes helplessly. She brings both her hands to his where they lay in his lap, and holds them tightly.

“Listen to me now,” she says gently, but with no room for argument. “You are such a special boy, you know that? You see the world in such a specific way and I love that about you. You’re going to make me so proud one day when I see you play on TV on a real professional team. You clean your room without me asking and you’re kind to your grandmother and you used to steal bread from my cupboards to feed the stray cat in the street when you were little. But not everything has been easy for you, has it? I’ll be honest, I never really knew how to talk to you about this sort of stuff… maybe it’s my fault that you felt like you couldn’t come to me with this sooner…”

“No!” he cuts in and grips his mother’s hands tightly. He can’t say any more than that. He can’t even risk taking another breath without disintegrating. 

She smiles.

“Tobio, even before you met Hinata, I knew you were going to love differently from other people. I didn’t know how, or who it was going to be, but I knew you would do things your own way. And you know what? That’s what I’ve loved about you the most for all these years.”

He feels like he’s been wrapped up in a blanket. Like he’s been placed in front of a warm fire and just woken up from the best nap of his life. Her touch feels like a full-body hug and all they’re doing is holding hands.

“Then why-” he pauses to make sure he can get it out without crying. “Then why did you stop me from telling?”

“Because you looked so scared sitting there and I’m your _mom_ , it’s my job to support you. Which means that when there’s something you’re carrying that feels too big to do it by yourself, it’s my job to be there and do it with you. So don’t worry sweetie, we’ll tell them okay? We’ll tell them and we’ll do it together.”

He relaxes and lets the tears come. It’s a futile effort to keep them in. He doesn’t resist when she leans forward and takes him into her arms. He doesn’t know when he’s ever cried this much or the last time he’s made so much _noise_. He’s snotty and pathetic in the way he clings to her and she hushes him through all of it. 

He knows almost nothing about love. But in that moment, he knows enough to know that he’s never loved another human being as much as he loves his mother. 

“Don’t try to take the world on by yourself you silly boy,” she whispers. “Not when you’ve got us to help.”

He clings to her tighter and hopes to god those words will penetrate somehow into his stupid stubborn brain. That one day he’ll _learn_. 

“Oh and by the way?” she says, “I think Hinata is the sweetest boy in the world.”

* * *

Hinata takes the news the way one would take the news that they’d been gifted a lifetime supply of genie wishes. In that, he gets so excited and happy and emotional that he nearly starts crying to Kageyama down the phone.

“Hinata calm down,” he chuckles, “you’re going to need all that strength when you tell _your_ mom.”

“It won’t be as epic as your story though!” he wails dramatically. Kageyama just smiles, lays back on his bed and indulges him in his fit of emotion. 

“I’m gonna tell her after the weekend,” he announces, “I’ll have days to think about it, and my story is totally gonna be better than yours once I’m done!”

“Oh it’s _on_ , ginger,” he teases. He actually couldn’t care less about whose mom cries the most, because he really could do without any more emotional turmoil in his life. But Hinata has a way of making their competitiveness _delicious_ and completely irresistible somehow. He hates him for it.

“Oh, we still up for this Friday by the way?” Hinata asks.

“This Friday what?” 

“Remember my mom will be back really late from work and you were going to come over to help me babysit Natsu?”

Kageyama feels his heart skip. 

“Sure,” he squeaks. And yes, unfortunately, it _was_ a squeak. 

“You okay?” Hinata asks.

“Sure,” he replies, voice at a much less concerning pitch this time. 

Except he’s very much _not_ okay, because babysitting Natsu means being in the extended company of a child. Not just in the company of - _responsible_ for. That thought alone sends his thoughts spiralling out of control so impressively quickly that he’s grateful he’s already laying down, or he may have found himself falling over.

“What time you coming over?” 

* * *

He can count on two hands the number of times they’ve hung out at Hinata’s house since they started dating. It’s really just much easier for them to go to Kageyama’s after school on the days that they see each other, what with Kageyama not living over the other side of a _mountain_ and also not having a little sister who has a bedtime and routine to adhere to. 

But Kageyama is also a creature of habit and he can’t remember ever feeling totally comfortable in someone else’s space. His mom - probably in a desperate attempt to get him to make friends - had always been overly welcoming to anyone and everyone coming through the house on the rare occasion she’d been there to greet them. Not to say that Hinata’s mom _hadn’t_ been welcoming towards him, but Hinata could make himself at home in a cardboard box on the side of the street if he wanted to. Relaxing in an environment that isn’t _his_ is not something Kageyama finds to be second nature - where does he put his shoes, what is he allowed to touch, does he need a coaster when he puts his glass down, is he allowed to ask for water? - and Hinata had absolutely picked up on the second or third time they were at his house when Kageyama sat straight as a pole on the very edge of his couch.

To say he’s a little _on edge_ when his mom drops him off at Hinata’s at 5 pm on Friday night is an understatement. Hinata had begged him to walk home together but caught up in the stress, Kageyama had forgotten to bring his overnight bag to school that morning. His mom had swooped in at the last minute and offered to drive him there on her way to her night shift. 

“Have fun!” she tells him as he fumbles with the door handle.

“It’s just babysitting,” he grumbles.

“Well don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She has the audacity to _wink_ at him when she says it and he almost falls out of the car door. 

“We don’t - that’s not - we-”

“Oh god, Tobio, calm down,” she wheezes. “Trust me when I say I had _no_ concerns as to that. Like I’ve already told you, I _know_ you.”

He’s pretty sure he could cook eggs on his face, he’s flaming that hard. He has a sneaky suspicion that she and Hinata’s mom would get on like a house on fire if they spent a little more time together. 

The first time he met her, he was astounded at how two people could be so similar, because the apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree. She’d greeted him at the door with bright eyes and a mop of frizzy ringlets of ginger hair, clipped back in a haphazard manner behind her head. She’d then proceeded to offer him half the food in her kitchen and asked him in lengthy detail about school, his family and his future goals in that order, all whilst dodging her energetic son trying to steal scraps of dinner from around her. There was something in her resembling his own mother for sure, but she was _loud_ and present whereas his mother was more suited to staying in the background. He’d just stood and stared in astonishment at her energy, her attentiveness to five different tasks at once, the way she waved her hands as she talked, the paint stains on her jeans. At one point, she’d grabbed Hinata by the waist and tickled him, ruffling his hair till there were tears running down his face. Kageyama had never seen anything more adorable in his entire life and meeting his mother had given him a whole new perspective on his then-brand-new boyfriend. There was no mistaking the source of Hinata’s fire after that initial meeting and he’d felt the soothing sensation of feeling like he understood Hinata that little bit better afterwards. 

After his own mother suitably embarrasses him enough that he’s ready to bury himself in the garden and never emerge again - or at the very least vow to never get in the car with her ever again - he rings the doorbell of Hinata’s house, feeling a little more at ease that his mom has already left for her shift. He doesn’t think he can handle a reception committee right now.

“Hey!” Hinata greets him and gestures for him to come in. “I should warn you,” he says as Kageyama takes off his shoes. “Natsu is pretty excited. Usually, it’s just me watching her, so she’s pretty happy to have some new company.”

“Aren’t you torture enough for her as it is?”

“Oh really hilarious, funny-yama strikes again!” he whines and crosses his arms to get his point across. “Seeing as you’re being a meany, I might just not let you have a kiss today.” He tilts his head up with his eyes closed and Kageyama smirks because he’s making this all too easy.

Now that his shoes are off, he can approach Hinata almost undetected while his eyes are closed. He brings his hands to the side of Hinata’s face and his lips to Hinata’s mouth in unison so he doesn’t notice him and catches the startled little sound he makes as he does so.

He might be a terrible boyfriend in an impressive number of ways, but at least _this_ part he’s had enough practice in by now. Enough practice that Hinata gets over his grump _very_ quickly as he melts against his mouth and lets Kageyama nudge his head even closer. He doesn’t take it very far standing in the middle of Hinata’s hallway where Natsu could walk in at any second, but he still feels proud enough that he manages to make Hinata blush _that_ hard and bite his bottom lip once he’s pulled back. Just when he thinks he’s won this one, Hinata leans up and kisses the bottom of his chin - the only part of him he can comfortably reach without straining - and just that tiny simple gesture short circuits him enough that he stops breathing. 

Hinata just giggles at his inability to behave like a functioning human and snuggles into him, hiding his face in Kageyama’s t-shirt. 

“Tobio!” he hears, and before he has a chance to figure out where it’s coming from, he feels a sudden pressure against his legs. When he looks down, he sees a very excited Natsu clinging to the two of them.

“ _Natsu_!” Hinata hisses under his breath. “You shouldn’t call him that!”

“Come watch TV with me!” she says delightfully, completely oblivious to the fact that she’s being scolded. 

As they walk into the house together, Kageyama pinches the back of Hinata’s t-shirt so he can murmur into his ear without being overheard, “how does she know my name?” Because he’s almost certain he never told her the few times he’s seen her. 

Hinata goes so stiff that even Kageyama can feel it and he’s barely touching him.

“Oh you know,” he answers, voice slightly breathy. “She probably heard it on TV when she watched the nationals games. Or from mom you know, she probably heard our mom call you it, right? Oh look, she’s waiting for us!”

In the year and a half they’ve known each other it’s quite possibly the strangest interaction they’ve had and Kageyama doesn’t even know _where_ to begin in understanding it. But before he had a chance to ask, Hinata grabs him by the hand and tugs him into the living room.

* * *

Natsu gets bored of watching TV very quickly and Kageyama can tell that she probably has the same short attention span as her brother. It makes him even more shifty and fidgety around her because it makes her even less easy to predict. Being bad with children is just another way that he’s managed to make himself an outsider growing up. But really what child would feel comfortable spending time with someone who has a creepy smile and irritable temper the majority of the time? Perhaps if he’d had a younger sibling then things would be different. In fact, he wishes now more than ever that he had a younger sister of his own so that he’d have plenty of practice for when he met Hinata. He’s sure that this entire evening is supposed to be some sort of test from the universe to see if Kageyama is worthy of… something… and he’s almost certain he’s not going to pass with flying colours. 

Kageyama suggests a game of volleyball in the yard because Hinata had told him once that Natsu seems to like watching him practice after school. He also thinks it might be the best way to wear her out in time for her bedtime, which is technically supposed to be in about two hours. 

“Okay, so I need you to hold your hands out like this,” he says and shows her the correct platform for an overhand pass - palms nice and wide, thumbs pointing downwards, a triangle shape forming in the middle. “Keep your hands as relaxed as you can or you could hurt yourself.”

He and Hinata guide her through some self-passes against their brick wall and then get her to lie down on the ground to make her pass right above her head. The ball lands flat on her face on her second go, so they keep trying until she can do three tosses in a row. 

“This is what I had to do when I started playing when I was your age,” Kageyama tells her. “So looks like you’ll be a setter in no time.”

“She will _not_!” Hinata insists. “She’ll be a spiker like me! Here, Natsu, let me show you how to hit a ball so it makes a FWAHHH sound!”

Kageyama snorts at Hinata’s indignation but watches as he spikes the ball down against the wall a few times. However, even with his growing proficiency at the game - and Kageyama has told him on several occasions just how good he is now - his number one weakness will always be making rookie mistakes when he’s excited. Which is why, on the fourth spike, he manages to hit himself straight in the face. Like brother, like sister.

“Nice one, dumbass!” he calls over, earning him a scrunchy face in return. “Natsu, maybe _don’t_ do it like that.”

“Shouyou, I think I should be a setter like Tobio, he didn’t get hit in the face!”

Hinata turns his attention to him and growls, “you traitor.”

Oh, Kageyama will be remembering this moment for a very, _very_ long time.

* * *

They move inside as Natsu’s bedtime grows closer and Hinata takes her upstairs to give her a bath so she can relax and settle down before they watch some shows with her to put her to sleep. Kageyama takes the time that they’re gone to try and practice some kanji, the Tokyo training camp firmly in his mind. It also helps to take his mind off the fact that the Inter High prelims are almost just around the corner and it’s starting to set his nerves on edge. 

When they come back, they’re both relaxed and towel-dried which means they probably took a bath together. Hinata’s hair is a splendid mess and Natsu’s doesn’t look that much neater. Hinata pads into the room barefooted and in his shorts and t-shirt and Natsu is wearing a matching set of pink pyjamas as she scurries into the room and makes a beeline for where Kageyama is sitting. 

“Whatch’a doing?” she asks and gets right up in his space as she peers at his notebook. 

“Kanji,” he replies. “But I’m not very good.”

“Shouyou’s not very good at it either,” she says.

“Hey!” Hinata squawks. “I’m better than you!” 

He pounces on her and they both tumble to the carpet, wrestling like a couple of kittens just fresh from the litter, even though Hinata is clearly humouring her. 

“Come on,” he wheezes as she climbs all over him and tries to tug on his hair. “Let me do your hair so I can put you to bed.”

She sits between his legs obediently as Hinata works on brushing and tying up her slightly damp curls. He makes quick work of the two tiny ponytails either side of her head, his tongue poking out in concentration. 

“Brushy, brushy, let’s tie up this hair!” he sings, in a similar way to what Kageyama is used to hearing when he skips off to the bathroom, informing anyone within a 50-kilometer radius of what he plans to do in there. “No more tangles for Natsu! As good as mom?” he asks.

“No!” she tells him. “Mom’s are the best ponies.” Hinata sticks his tongue out at her for that comment and she responds with her own, louder variety. Kageyama smirks and wonders which one of them is supposed to be 17 years old. 

“I’m gonna go grab up something to eat from the kitchen real quick, stay here with Kageyama for a sec, okay?”

Kageyama stiffens in pure panic at the thought of the two of them being left alone together, but he doesn’t have much time to find a feasible escape route, because the second Hinata is gone, Natsu is next to him, holding her hairbrush and accessories. 

“Tobio, let me do your hair? I’m getting really good!”

He blinks a total of 20 times before he can form a response. He can’t imagine anything he’d rather have done to him less than that, but if he wants Hinata to like him after tonight, he can’t actually _say_ that. 

“Sure…” he murmurs. That seems like a neutral response. It works fine for her apparently, because she climbs into his lap with nothing but joy and glee at the thought of Kageyama being her new doll. 

She spends a lot of time just running her fingers through his hair, eyes wide and excited and tells him, “your hair is so sooooooft! Shouyou’s is so messy, I can’t ever brush it without hurting him!”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, but it does bring him a sick sense of satisfaction to think of Hinata being tortured by Natsu’s tiny little hairbrush. He knows from experience that Hinata’s hair is a law unto itself, so it doesn’t surprise him that Natsu has no luck with it. 

Once she’s explored the whole of his head, she starts to pay attention to his bangs that hang just out of reach of his eyes. He’s never really been fond of his forehead so he keeps them long, but trimming them constantly to keep the hair out of his eyes is, admittedly, a pain. Natsu seems to agree because she starts to twist it and prod it and find a way of getting it out of his face. 

“Your bangs are very slidy, Tobio,” she says. “They also make you look super angry. Your eyebrows are all growly when I can’t see them.” 

She has the same youthful, simple energy that Hinata does. She even talks a little like him. And Kageyama feels himself relax a little once he gets used to her presence with every passing second. Perhaps he’s not some terrifying creature from a storybook. She’s just a person, but smaller. Not that people aren’t terrifying in their own right, but at least she seems to like him, which is certainly not the first reaction he gets from someone he’s just met. 

“Well we can’t have that, can we?” he says drowsily. The kanji and now the hairdressing session is making him sleepy. “Would I look better without them?”

“Yes!” she proclaims. “But, I can’t get them to _stay_!” She pokes her tongue out as she manhandles his bangs - another very Hinata-like gesture - first to the left, then the right, but with no avail.

“Here, what about this,” he offers and does what he himself tends to do when he’s at home and needs to wash his face. He takes his bangs in one hand, twists them into a thinner, more manageable shape, and pulls them upwards so they’re resting on the top of his head. 

“Pass me a clip?” he says, and she offers him a sparkly silver one. He clips them in place and flushes at how ridiculous he knows he looks. From experience, he knows he has a bit of hair sticking up towards the ceiling that’s too short to stay down and he suppresses the urge to just hold it down himself.

“Perfect!” she giggles and presses the palms of her hands to her cheeks. “Shouyou, look!” 

Kageyama turns around to see Hinata standing in the doorway with food in both hands. At first, he doesn’t see anything strange about it, until he notices that Hinata’s hot laughing at him as would be expected. From his relaxed posture, he’s clearly been standing there for at least some time and the only reason Kageyama can think that he would do that is to retain this image to memory so he can bring it up each and every time he wants something to hold over Kageyama. 

But now that he’s looking at him, _really_ looking at him, he barely recognises Hinata. Whilst a year and a half may not be a long time, all things considered, Kageyama really thought that he’d already born witness to each and every one of Hinata’s expressions. There isn’t a muscle in his face he’s not seen move, contort and change. He’s never hidden what he’s feeling. His face is quite literally, a map of his heart. 

But this one, he simply cannot read. 

He’s standing perfectly calm, perfectly still. His eyes have drooped in the same way they usually would when he’s upset, but he doesn’t look the least bit sad. He looks like he’s _thinking_ , calculating. _Definitely_ not a look Kageyama has seen on him very often. His breaths are deep, but stuck in his chest; in fact, Kageyama can see it move with every slow inhale and exhale. Now that he looks back to his face, he’s pretty sure this is a similar face to what Hinata makes before he wants to cry. But he’s clearly _not upset_. Nothing about the picture in front of him makes sense. And the silence is making him feel awkward, so he asks, “you okay?”

Hinata blinks finally and makes eye contact with Kageyama for the first time. He hadn’t even realised Natsu was talking to him. Hadn’t even realised he was staring at the two of them. Did he drop his brain in the bath or something?

“Come on Natsu,” he says, but his voice sounds like he’s a million miles from here. “Time for bed.”

She scrunches up her nose and huffs a displeased sound - yet another gesture resembling that of her brother - before wailing, “I want Tobio to tuck me in!”

Kageyama feels the world fall out from under him. 

* * *

In the end, they manage to bribe Natsu to bed with the promise that they’ll _both_ tuck her in. Well, it’s mostly Hinata doing the convincing, seeing as Kageyama is too busy having an existential crisis at the fact that another human being wants his company so much that she’s willing to have a fit over it. 

She rides on Hinata’s back the entire way to her room, but she doesn’t let him tuck her in, demanding instead, like she said before, that Kageyama do it. He does, with as much awkwardness as can be expected from someone that knows less than nothing about children, but she seems absolutely delighted and so he figures that’s a win. 

The two of them sit with her while Hinata reads her something as she falls asleep; Kageyama would be _so_ tempted to make a quip about how he’s chosen a book perfect for his own mental age, but he doesn’t want to excite Natsu too much and make it harder for her to settle down again. The book does the trick and she settles down slowly but surely, her excited eyes slowing down to something drowsy and then finally, they close altogether. 

Hinata motions for them to leave as quietly as possible and they walk downstairs in complete silence until Hinata flops down onto the couch.

“Well that was pretty painless!” he says happily, stretching his arms out and yawning. “She loved you!”

Kageyama joins him on the couch and smiles a little awkwardly because he did technically just steal Hinata’s sister from him. 

“It was… nice… I guess…” he supplies, “I’m… I’m not used to kids… I’m just glad she wasn’t put off by me.”

Hinata beams at him and slides closer so he can put his hands through Kageyama’s hair. “How could she not love you?” he asks. 

Kageyama stiffens at what remains the natural _unspoken_ end of that sentence. Hinata seems to notice how that sounded too because he suddenly looks stumped and his eyes seem like they might sink all the way back into his skull. 

“Anyway…” he squeaks. He’s _definitely_ more breathless than before. “Shall we take these clips out of your hair?”

“Natsu said I look grumpy with my bangs down though.’ Kageyama smirks because he’s hoping this will goad Hinata into an argument and Hinata is endlessly entertaining when they fight. He _loves_ bickering with Hinata. 

“You don’t look like you,” Hinata ponders, smoothing down his bangs back where they belong “Grumpy-yama is part of who you are, you’re not allowed to just pin it with some clips, that’s not fair.”

Kageyama makes a pained sound and lets his head fall to Hinata’s sternum so he can hide his blush. Hinata is a daily menace to his health if his quickening heart is any indication.

“Not bad for your first time babysitting,” he hears Hinata say and he can tell by his voice that he’s smiling, which means he can feel the heat coming off Kageyama’s face even if he can’t see it. Dammit.

But _that_ comment brings Kageyama’s thoughts into focus and well. He supposes now is as good a time as any when they have nowhere to be and they’re both relaxed and happy. Perfect time to ruin the mood.

“Hinata,” he breaths, “can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

He moves them both so they’re once again sitting side by side and he can look at Hinata properly. “You’ve um... “ he pauses because, for the first time since thinking about this, he’s now worried that maybe he got the wrong idea. But it’s probably too late to back out now. “Tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure you’ve been um… I don’t know how to say it, ‘tallying’? You’ve been keeping some sort of score against me haven’t you?”

Hinata blushes and looks down the same way he does when a teacher tells him off for fidgeting in class. So he was right. 

“Um…” he mumbles, panicked. “Please don’t be mad!” he squeaks.

“I um… I mean I don’t want to be mad… I guess I just don’t know why you’ve been doing it…”

“Oh, well um….” this face of Hinata’s, he _does_ know. It’s the face he makes when he’s very deep in thought. He clearly wasn’t expecting to be called out about this, whatever it is. “It didn’t start out as like… you know… a _thing,_ ” he explains. “It’s just that… when we kissed for the first time and you told me I was your first kiss, I just… Tob- Kageyama, it just made me go…” he waves his hands and tugs at his hair to represent what he feels. Kageyama is less interested in _that_ and more interested in not swallowing his own tongue because _Hinata nearly just used his first name…_

Hinata is still almost as red as his hair and Kageyama has no idea if it’s from his near slip-up or from this conversation, but one thing is now crystal clear in Kageyama’s mind; Natsu certainly didn’t get his name from the TV, that’s for sure. 

“And it made me feel _so good_ ,” he continues. “You probably don’t get it, because you’ve always been good at everything. Since the day I knew you, you’ve been awesome at volleyball and I’ve always sucked. My whole life I’ve had to catch up - to catch up to _you_. And when I knew I was your first kiss… that _I_ gave you that, it just made me feel like I didn’t suck so much anymore… I just… I loved giving you that… for once I was of use, or… I don’t know, _important_ to you, because even if we only went out for a day, that would still be your first kiss and it was from _me_.”

Kageyama wants to interrupt. He wants to interrupt so badly. Mostly he just wants to kiss Hinata, but he can tell Hinata’s not done speaking and so he fights for restraint.

“And then later…” he continues, “I just started noticing it so much more. You know, these little things that you kept telling me you’d never done and I couldn’t believe it! You were always like… the coolest person I knew, even back when you were scary and mean. And I didn’t know there were so many things that we could do together that you’d never done. So after a while, it was less about me feeling cool and more like… I don’t know, with every new thing I found out, it was like… it was like I was learning more about you. But the other stuff. Not the stuff everyone else knows. The important stuff, you know? And you’ll tell me it’s stupid that I want to know stuff like that you’ve never ridden a roller coaster or that you’d never tried banana flavour ice cream before. But it wasn’t stupid to me, it made me feel like those were my secrets. I wanted all of them. I wanted to remember them and I wanted all those secrets about you to be just mine. They made all of this… so much more real…”

Kageyama stares at Hinata. Really stares at him for longer than he can recall since the day he first met him. Hinata thinks he’s stupid right now... Kageyama has never thought him less stupid in his life. 

Since the day they’d first gotten together, Hinata has spent his time cataloguing and noticing details about Kageyama that would happily go ignored by the average person. Not to have some strange upper hand, not to loom over Kageyama - metaphorically - and say he’d _won_ something. But simply to know him. He feels sickened that all this time he’d assumed Hinata had sinister motives. That he was capable of anything but the purest forms of affection for any person on earth. To think that he could have been noting down Kageyama’s new and shiny experiences out of anything but the most wholesome of intentions now seems outright heresy and Kageyama wants to bleach his thoughts of every last doubt he ever had. 

He never ever wants to doubt Hinata ever again. Hinata may have spent all this time attempting to learn him, but now Kageyama just wants to give him _everything_. Every last secret, every last fear, every last thought that keeps him up at night. He wants Hinata to be the only human being outside of his mother who feels the weight of all that knowledge and has that much power over him.

And he wants Hinata to know that same feeling in return. He wants to feel the rush of catching up to Hinata in everything that he knows about him. He thinks he’s been studying Hinata in subconscious ways for so long now that it’s become second nature to him to notice Hinata’s 50+ expressions and what each of them means. To hear a smile in his voice rather than just see it. To know his ticks and gestures and voice so well that he can notice them in the people he shares DNA with, not just on Hinata himself. But now he’s hungry for more. He’s not even realised how starving he was to see and hear and live nothing but Hinata to make up for all the times he wasn’t paying full attention. Not just now, not just tomorrow, not just this week, but every waking moment for as long as he doesn’t mess this up. 

And Hinata has just handed him a secret of his own that he doesn’t even think he meant to. The entire world, including Kageyama, had thought that Hinata’s life goal is to one day beat him. To stand taller than him, prouder. Hinata has no idea that in telling him this, he’s opened a part of himself that not even Kageyama has ever seen. More vulnerable, more generous and more insecure than Kageyama has ever known. Hinata doesn’t want them to spend their lives competing. At volleyball, perhaps, but not in life. He wants them to be in this race together. 

This, this is the precise moment when Kageyama feels his heart shift and he feels, after all this time, that perhaps he finally, _really_ understands Hinata. That he feels like he knows him in a way he didn’t even know he was missing up until now.

Just days ago, his mother had cradled him as he’d cried and had said _I know you_. Kageyama knows nothing, not one single thing about love, but he thinks, maybe, just maybe, that what she was really saying to him was _I love you_. That perhaps love and being loved have nothing to do with words, have nothing even to do with hugs or kisses or actions. But that it’s simply the personification of being truly, deeply and thoroughly _known_ in the purest sense of the word. 

And if he’s right. If this is the one thing in his stupid life that he’s managed to read properly. Then it stands to reason that what he feels every time Hinata smiles because of him, what he feels whenever he sees Hinata coaching the first years, whatever he feels when Hinata whispers _can I tell you a secret_ as he carries him home on his back, could very possibly, just maybe, in fact, be love. 

He doesn’t say a single word of it. Instead, he whispers, “it’s not stupid....” and watches Hinata look away, embarrassed. Of course. Who on earth would believe that half-hearted statement? 

He’s not brave like Hinata. Will never have his ferociously courageous heart. But the day Hinata first kissed him, he promised himself that he would meet him halfway. Hinata has given him countless moments that are his and just his, that were his firsts. He’ll give him so many more. He wants Hinata to know the warmth of how that feels, even the tiniest bit. To have something from another person that will never be shared. That’s sacred. Even if it’s as meaningless as an ice cream flavour. 

It’s in the back of his mouth. It’s sitting there, like a butterfly flapping around at the back of his throat, begging him to just let it out. _I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you._

But he can’t. He just can’t.

He closes his eyes and feels the tears well. Because he may not be ready, and he may hate himself, but he loves Hinata. And even if he can’t give him the words that are caught on his tongue, he knows at least this tiny, insignificant word that he can give him.

“Shouyou…” he breaths. “It’s not stupid.”

He opens his eyes after 30 seconds of holding back. 

Shouyou’s eyes are wide and shiny and breathtaking in his silence. His mouth is parted and he breathes like he was holding it in before. Not just in the last couple of minutes, but his entire life. It may just be the happiest Kageyama has ever seen him. 

“Tobio…” he answers and it’s like he’s hearing his voice for the first time. He says it in a way that makes it sound like his last name is actually some strange, foreign language all along and this, _this_ is his true name. He can’t be sure. But he thinks Shouyou might _also_ be telling him something very different than just his own name.

He laughs. He laughs so hard that he feels his ribs ache. And Shouyou laughs right along with him and says his name like it’s a broken record. Kageyama takes his head and kisses him as though he can taste the way his own name sounds. Kisses him like it’s the same as telling him _I love you_ to his face. 

* * *

They fall asleep on the living room couch, noses suitably bunged up from crying and lips suitably red from kissing. It’s unplanned and stupid for them to crash here because the couch is nowhere near built for two grown teenagers to sleep on it, even if Shouyou counts as a half person by any stretch of the imagination. 

Kageyama wakes up at god knows what time to find Shouyou sleeping on top of him. He’s not sure if this was the position they fell asleep in, but one thing he’s _certain_ of, even in his sleep-addled state, is that they definitely didn’t fall asleep under this blanket. 

He frowns and moves his head to take a look around and assess any potential interference, but sees no one. He goes to move his hand where it’s stretched above his head but finds that it's currently occupied by a red-headed devil who has it in his tiny but persistent grip. He smiles like a maniac but also very much needs at least one hand if he’s to check the time. 

By some miracle, he manages to reach for his phone with his free hand and unlocks it to see the ungodly hour of 2:00 am pop up on his bright screen. That will teach them for falling asleep this early on a weekend. As he’s squinting at the bright blue light of his phone, he notices something lying on the coffee table now that it’s lit up slightly better. He reaches for the piece of paper that definitely wasn’t there before and cringes when he hears Hinata moan above him at the unwelcome movement. 

He winces and pulls the paper towards him with great effort and just about manages to make out the handwritten kanji, complete with helpful furigana:

_Hi boys! Just got home and went to check on Natsu, thanks for taking such good care of her! Hope she wasn’t too much trouble. I’m going to go grocery shopping first thing in the morning so I may not see you when you wake up - you guys look passed out cold! But I’ll see you when I get back xxx_

_P.s. so, is this your guys’ way of finally telling me? I suppose I get to bake a cake now that it’s out in the open?_

He _should_ feel worried, scared, disorientated or any of the other number of things he might have felt under normal circumstances. But all he feels is sleepy, content relief as he feels Shouyou wriggle on top of him and the weight of his tiny hand in his palm. It might be the crying talking or his general lack of grip on his own sanity, but he thinks he might keep this note and frame it. 

As he sighs and scoops Shouyou closer, excited more than anything that he’ll be able to show him the note when they wake up, he hears the tiniest little sound coming from Shouyou’s nose. He tries to hold in his laughter at the fact that apparently, under the right circumstances, he’s a snorer. Or perhaps, he’s always been one and Kageyama has just never had a chance to wake up and hear it. He’s not sure. He can’t _wait_ to find out. 

There’s still so much he has to learn about this boy. So much, and he wants to spend his whole life learning. It’s possible that even all of those summers and winters might not be enough to learn it all. 

But for the first time, Kageyama feels the complete absence of fear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough those of you who have read and/or commented on this story and this series so far with your unbelievably positive messages. This series, as I jokingly refer in the summary of the stories, was meant to be a one-shot 5+1 story. I have no idea how it got so out of control that the main part of the series will be three fics and the current two amount to more than 60k. It's been a WILD ride. More than anything, it's been such a pleasure to write Kageyama. I never thought I would fall so effortlessly into his POV and that writing him would feel so therapeutic, so right and so lovely. I love this boy so much, he and Hinata will literally never be surpassed as my two favourite characters from this show, and I hope you guys had as much fun going along on their and Kageyama's journey to first love as I did writing it. 
> 
> For those interested, I was listening to piano versions of "Is That Alright" by Lady GaGa and "Daylight" By Taylor Swift while writing this chapter. The real musical inspiration for this entire series is going to be revealed when I write and post the third fic, as that will complete the main trifecta of this series. I can't wait to start it, and I hope that you guys will stick around!
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone,  
> Love Roxanne xxx
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATED A/N
> 
> I can't thank you enough for all the lovely words you've had to say about my fic, but I've decided, at least for the time being, to disable comments on all my fics up to this point. New fics will have comments enabled, but email notifications turned off. This has nothing to do with any negative experiences with anyone commenting (as you can see if you read, it's all very very kind), but I've just found the experience a little too overwhelming for me personally in terms of responding and no matter how many people tell me not to worry, it's not going away, and I know the more I write the more it'll frustrate me. I didn't want to let new people comment on the story and feel ignored or left out because they thought I refused to reply to them. So the best way for me to do that is just to disable all fics where there are already existing comments. I know this can be horribly frustrating for some folks, so if you really would like to get in touch with me, I LOVE talking to new people and you an reach me via my twitter (linked in the A/N) or through my discord handle which is Roxanne#6113
> 
> I love you all and if you happen to find this fic after this A/N was written I hope you enjoy it and I love you all!


End file.
